Attention all Heterosexual Men!
Are you disillusioned by your lifestyle? Do you want more from life besides monster truck shows? Do Budweiser commercials confuse you? Are you tired of being a year behind in fashion? Do you wish you had a nice apartment like the ones you see on “Will & Grace”?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Act now, and you’ll be on your way to living a fabulous, glamorous life as a HOMOSEXUAL! We are now recruiting heterosexual men ages.
18-65 (please no older than 65 — that’s just creepy) to become homosexuals.
Let us assist you in your transformation from bland to beautiful! We’ll give you all the steps you’ll need to be a happy fairy, such as:
* Drag make-up tips!
* How to have sex with a man WITHOUT the six pack of beer!
* How to decorate with frills and throw pillows to brighten up any room!
* Essential Madonna and Cher records to own
* That tongue trick invented circa 1978 in some alley in NYC
* Ricky Martin’s fan club address
* Style and grooming tips NO self respecting gay would be without (hope you’re not too attached to that uni-brow)
* How to wear a G-string with poise and dignity (we’ll insert a few bucks to get you started)
* Finger-snapping lessons, and a dialect coach to assist in “gaylingo”
* Learn important historical dates, like: the year Donna Summer won her first Grammy, Barbra’s wedding anniversary, and the day Judy died!
ACT NOW AND YOU’LL RECEIVE A CLOSET DOOR HINGE TO SYMBOLIZE YOUR FREEDOM!
Don’t delay any longer! Do you want to have more women hanging off you than when you were straight? Aren’t you tired of the snickers whenever you walk into a room? Call 1-800-976-HOMO to BEGIN YOUR LIFE AS A FABULOUS FAG!!! Call today. Operators are standing by.
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