Man vs woman

Author: admin  //  Category: Men, Men & Women, opener

man-vs-woman-on-boreddeadcom

Man vs woman :

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance

Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair

Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits

Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting she won’t change, but she does.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument Read more…

Condom Quotes

Author: admin  //  Category: Bored Dead, Girlfriends Report, Interesting, Sex Definitions, Woman’s Dictionary, opener

Cover your stump before you hump.

condom-quotes-from-boreddead.jpg This ones for you Carl

Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.

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Don’t be silly, protect your willy.

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When in doubt, shroud your spout.

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Don’t be a loner, cover your boner.

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You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong.

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If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

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If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

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If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.

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She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick.

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If you go into heat, package your meat.

Especially in December, gift wrap your member.

Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.

The right selection! Protect your erection.

Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.

If you really love her, wear a cover.

Don’t make a mistake! Muzzle your snake.

Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.

Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.

If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.

No glove, No love.

Don’t be in such a jiffy, cover your stiffy.

AIDS is no joke, be sure to wrap before you poke.

Top Reasons Why Asian Girls Hate Asian Guys

Author: admin  //  Category: Asian, Bored Dead, Sexy Jokes, opener

Top Reasons Why Asian Girls Hate Asian Guys
asian-girl.jpgAll you wannabes always talk about cars and how you want to fix it up and race and shit, but you don’t even got a car! you just be driving your mama’s Honda accord with your GOT RICE sticker on the bumper

You always wear the same shit on different days and spray the fake CK1 or the Uni shit.

You always have the same fades up the backside of your heads.

What’s up with the bleached bangs?

You always brag about your 2-inch killas! shoo, you’re Asian damn it, admit it!

You think that dropped Civics are cool but are played out.

You always brag about breaking and how you can freak and shit but you can’t move at all. so watch Soul Train and PRACTICE!

When you go to a party, you go in all the fixed up cars and leave your broke ass Datsun two blocks away.

You all go to the mall and “kick it” looking for all the 12 yr. old girls with their puffy marshmallow jackets or Nautica shirts with big boobs and their wonder bras.

You think that your import car is hella tight, but your mama paid for it, so get you broke ass to work.

On the phone, you guys try to sound all deep and always start a conversation with “Wassup…” but in person, you squeak like a damn mouse.

All you guys freaking share the same girl and you may think that you are all player, but realize that maybe you are the one being played. so there!

On your beepers you have a funky little song but it’s only background noise so stop and leave a damn message.

And when you receive a page you always say it’s your bitch, but it’s really your mama telling you to get your broke ass home cuz she needs her car to go to the market.

You always wear those skimpy “wife-beaters”, thinking you got a body to sport, but you got to get your ass to the gym and really look good.

All you freaking ugly guys get girls by having the nicest cars, but reality check! it’s your car we want and not you. “The nicer the car, the smaller the dick!”

All you deejays that let us in and say that you are using us for sex all the times, we faked the orgasms and hey, we got in the club didn’t we. and hey, we didn’t leave with you, we left with the bouncers, cuter than your asses.

Superficial and shallow? no, you conceited bastards take pictures squatting in front of your supposed fixed up car, but it’s not even yours.

And when you stand up, you scrunch your crotch making a bigger bulge, but the truth is you are just checking if it’s still there, or if the sock is still in place.

You guys that sag your pants, are just trying hide your flat ass, and you always probably buy 2 sizes bigger shoes making your feet look bigger, but it’s not. Chill with your size 7 shoes already.

And in the chat rooms, you assholes ask “where are all the fine girls at” and also ask “anyone got a gif to trade” but you don’t got one yourself.

You think that any girl with long straight hair, big fake boobs, and a tight midriff is fine but all you want to do is fuck her.

You think that bumping music in your car is dope, so that all the cars around you vibrate.

But you are only hurting yours, ours, and your mamas ears. watch out, you are gonna get a fixing ticket.

On your Honda’s and Acura’s, your headlights are different and damn that’s annoying, but watch out you are gonna get a fixing ticket again. And your mama’s gonna take the car away.

Hey and you guys that wear FUBU, army looking pants, beenies with sunglasses, and warm-ups with slippers and dirty socks, that’s out and for one thing, UGLY. Do you guys share clothes?

You think that taking a shower is rinsing your hair in the sink. yuck!

You guys drool over car magazines and wish you had the cars that them fob girls owned.

And about your dick size, shoe size x’s 2 divided by three… equals the length of your manhood, which isn’t much huh?

When it’s 100 degrees outside, you guys wear those puffy jackets or all match with your Nautica jackets.

And you tell your guy friends that you went to a club and got a grip of numbers, actually it’s another guys number who just wants to know where you got your car fixed up at.

You guys that sport that “baller look” only have it to say you ball and you always keep those damn clean, but HELLO! if you balled, you would think…

And you guys that got an automatic car, you pretend it’s a stick, revving it like a stick and making it sound like a stick by downshifting to 2nd gear.

You guys use your damn fake id’s to get cigarettes, but you get caught.

Older guys go to them all ages clubs and hook up with a 13 yr. old and then you tell your homeboys that they are 18.

You wannabe gangsters have your guns, but are damn cowards anyway. And when something does go down, you say you are gonna go to the car to get your gat, but you come back when everything is over.

When you guys mack with your girl, you think licking her ears is a turn on but look it feels nasty and makes this funny noise that makes us grind our teeth. stop it alright its sick..

You guys think you could get us into bed and say we are easy. But guess what. We just have to fulfill an urge..

This is to all you wannabe sweet talking guys please chew some gum before you say anything to us because that breath be kicking worse than BRUCE LEE.

Bored Silly

Author: admin  //  Category: Funny News, Funny Pics, Games, Puzzles, Sexy Jokes, opener

Bored Dead is a site for all the working class people that have had their companies have blocked simple,Fun Games and Puzzles we all like to play on our down time. This site will give you plenty of thiings to do and read.