Bored Dead

How to shoot like a Girl, America’s got talent Bow and arrow girl.

Bow and arrow

Itsy bitsy Dissolving bikini comes with no strings attached. The saucy thong swimsuit looks like a real bikini but disappears after just a few seconds in water.

Trailer Dissolvable Bikini: does it work? from Clint.be on Vimeo.

Dissolving bikini

BoredDead, Banned Blowjob Commercial

Banned Blowjob Commercial

1. we’re always open to new moves & positions

2. we perform to please the crowd

3. we love an audience

4. we’re very flexible

5. we show off our legs

6. we’re tight…physically fit

7. we’re seductive

8. we like being videotaped to improve ourselves

9. we work hard to get things just right

10. we do what we’re told

11. we enjoy doing hard thing
12. we work in mysterious ways

1. Whine

2. When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no.
Then get mad when you are believed.

3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,
start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.

4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

5. Whine.

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6. If you are trying to sleep, it’s because you’re exhausted from your
almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to
sleep, it’s because he is lazy.

7. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

8. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

9. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying
for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required
gifts proving his love.

10. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle,
tell him you’re irregular from all of the stress of your life.

11. Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend
must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed
immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.

12. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about
doing anything other than catering to your needs.

She Ain’t Easy – But …Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â And Yes Carl I know she is your Favorite !!!!!!!!!

She’s been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.

She’s been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.

She’s done more screwing than Black and Decker.

She’s responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.

She’s turned more tricks than Houdini has.

She’s been in more motel rooms than the Bible.

She’s been boarded more times than Amtrak.

She’s been mounted more often than Trigger.

She’s been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins has.

She’s entertained more troops than Bob Hope.

She’s been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare has.

She’s been turned more ways than Rubik’s Cube.

She’s spent more time under men than barstools.

She’s seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.

She’s had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.

She’s been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.

She’s had more marines land on her bed than on Iwo Jima.

Hoover classifies her tongue as a vacuum cleaner.

Her body has been declared a national recreation area.

Her diaphragms come with a service contract.

Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.

Her pantyhose has a pet door.

Be Politically Correct With Women

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK – She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED – She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED – She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT – She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY – She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE – She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS – She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING – She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY – She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID – She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

Sexual Olympics

A man went over to his girl’s place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom — gold, silver, or bronze.
“Silver,” she said.

“Why not gold?”

“Because I want you to come second for once!”

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

“Oh my, I am so sorry, ” the woman says as she pops her eye back in
place.

“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her
deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The
guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

“You know, “he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
every guy you meet? “

“No, “she replies. . . “

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“You just happened to catch my eye.”

Good Girl, Bad Girl

Good girls say “thanks for a wonderful dinner”…
Bad girls say, “what’s for breakfast?”

Good girls never go after another girl’s man…
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties…
Bad girls don’t wear any.

Good girls wax their floors…
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot…
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner…
Bad girls make reservations

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies…
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss…
Bad girls never do either, unless he’s very, very rich.

Good girls believe you’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls…
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food…
Bad girls love Italian waiters.

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