Resimay

Author: admin  //  Category: "PERSONAL" ADVERTISEMENTS, Advice, Breasts, Inner Blonde, Interesting, Resimay, college

Resimay



Deer Sir,


I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real

quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really

seam to respond to me well.

Im lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my

persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and

wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,

Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short – below is a pickture of me.

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Employer’s response:……

.


Dear Peggy May,
.

.

It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check


Things Not To Say To Your Parents While At College…

Author: admin  //  Category: "PERSONAL" ADVERTISEMENTS, Advice, college

Things Not To Say To Your Parents While At College…

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  • Are you saying that I’m not good enough for Jack-in-the-Box?
  • Hey dad, are there any openings at your office?
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  • I’m converting!
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  • I’m coming out of the closet! Just kidding…hello? hello, anyone there?
  • I don’t know, I think a nipple ring is very fashion conscience.
  • Who are you again?
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  • Mom, you too can be saved.
  • I need more money for my gambling ring.
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  • Hold on a second, I have to get rid of the body.
  • Have you ever tried Vivarin! I mean a lot of it at once! It’s amazing. I wrote two papers, memorized the Spanish to English dictionary, made sis a sweater, invented a new way to dry laundry, and I- my, my heart.. I can’t bre-
  • From now on, you’ll call me Mohammed.
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  • I’d love to talk to you, but I have more important things in my life to do.
  • Is it possible to get a 12-year old girl pregnant?
  • Hey mom, you know how you and dad got married at 20, well…
  • This is my home away from home. I have new friends, and a family here with two kids and – um, forget what I just said.
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  • And I joined the Republican party!
  • I just can’t take it anymore. The pressure! The Pressure! Aaaaaaaaaaah! (Click)
  • Mom, send me some neosporin. I seem to have a lot of cold sores.
  • When are you coming to visit! I really want to see you!
  • college-boreddead-5.jpg

New Remote

Author: admin  //  Category: All About Women, Bored Dead, Doing our part, Games, college

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Bad Date Signs!

Author: admin  //  Category: Bored Dead, Dating rules for college, Interesting, Sexy Jokes, college

Bad Date Signs!

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Not only is she a little young, but you’re sure that you used to date
her mother.

…You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league with her.

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…She has a thicker moustache than you.

…When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.

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…You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.

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…Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.

…You are the first guy that she’s gone out with that isn’t her cousin.

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…At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.

…She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut.

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…You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.

…At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.

…She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet satan.

…She constantly complains that her cat won’t stop laughing at her.

…She informs you that you can’t go out again because her spirit guide doesn’t like you.

…She informs you that you can’t go out again because her boyfriend doesn’t like you.

Increase your Vocabulary

Author: admin  //  Category: Bored Dead, Girl talk, college

To increase your vocabulary with phrases you’ve heard but aren’t quite sure how to use, read on…
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“Cold turkey”

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Definition: Refers to the physical state addicts are in when withdrawing from drug
addition, especially heroin. Their blood is directed to the internal organs, leaving
their skin white and goose bumpy like a Thanksgiving bird ready to go in the oven.
Mmmmm, junkie turkey.

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Origin: The first usage of this phrase is unknown, but it has as many applications as
there are things to be addicted to.

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Use it in a sentence: After coming down with a strange illness that turned his
eye-whites blue, Ozzy had to go cold turkey from biting the heads off live bats or
any other animals.
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“Going Dutch”
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Definition: To evenly split the cost of a group expense, like a meal.

Origin: The origin of the phrase is unknown, but there is one explanation. In the
17th century, the Dutch were hated commercial rivals of the British, and have been a
verbal target for them since. Anyone who “went Dutch” may have been considered a
tightwad. Not surprisingly, the Dutch don’t seem to love this phrase.

Use it in a sentence: The last girl I went out with called me a superior patriarchal
misogynist who didn’t respect her independence just because I offered to pick up the
tab. So last night I decided I’d play it safe and suggested to my date that we go
Dutch. She called me a cheap bastard!

“Shit hits the fan”
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Definition: Refers to the commotion that can occur when a situation that was
previously secret is publicly revealed. Graphically illustrates the distinction
between fecal matter, which is not in itself such a problem, and fecal matter piling
up to the ceiling fan and then being sprayed everywhere, which pretty much sucks.

Origin: Depression-era America, when apparently excrement abounded.

Use it in a sentence: “I’m telling you, Bob, if we don’t figure out how to get your
dad’s pogo stick out of this tree, the shit’s really gonna hit the fan. I mean, how’s
he supposed to get to work?”

“Put a sock in it”
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Definition: A terse request to be quiet.

Origin: Since early gramophones had no volume control knobs, playing them at anything
less than 11 (“my amp goes up to 11″) required putting a sock in the amplification
trumpet.

Use it in a sentence:
Girl: “Why are you hesitating? You don’t like it, do you? You think it makes me look
fat, right? Oh, I knew this would happen. I should never have gotten an orange
leather…”
Guy: “Ah, put a sock in it.”

“Son of a gun”
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Definition:
a) As an interjection, it means “gee whiz” or “well I’ll be damned.”
b) As a name to call someone, it’s a euphemism for a phrase that’s already pretty
tame: son of a bitch.

Origin: According to the Phrase Finder (www.phrases.shu.ac.uk), the expression
originated on sailing ships, where some women would have sex with sailors between the
cannons. The male progeny of such a dangerous liaison would then be called a son of a
gun. Nice pedigree.

Use it in a sentence:
a) “Son of a gun, who stole my toupee?”
b) “Bob, you old son of a gun. How’s the prostate?”

“For all intents and purposes”
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Definition: First of all, it ain’t “for all intensive purposes.” Think about it for a
minute. What the hell could that possibly mean? For all uses that are short but
really demanding? Like, oh, I don’t know, midget arm-wrestling? No, “for all intents
and purposes” means “realistically speaking; practically; in almost every way.”

Origin: Although its origin is unknown, the phrase used to be “to all intents and
purposes,” which is still sometimes heard.

Use it in a sentence: Bob tried so hard to please Patty that he had long ago passed
the “whipped” phase and was now, for all intents and purposes, her love slave.

“Big cheese”

Definition: The most important person; the boss.

Origin: The Urdu word for thing is chiz. The British likened its sound to the word
“cheese” and, as cheese is so vital to the Brits that their pound currency was
actually pegged to the price of medium cheddar for almost two centuries, they
modified its meaning to “the main/best thing.” The phrase crossed the Atlantic as
“the big cheese” in about 1890.

Use it in a sentence: The way he acted, you could tell Bob thought he was the big
cheese of the joint. But really, with his faux chains, hedge-like chest hair and
shiny zebra-striped shirt, he was just cheesy.

“Peeping Tom”

Definition: A peeping Tom is a voyeur.

Origin: It stems from an 11th century English legend in which Tom the tailor
unlawfully peeps at Lady Godiva as she rides on horseback naked through Coventry. As
a result, he was struck blind. Doh!

Use it in a sentence: To mess with the minds of any would-be peeping Toms in the high
rise across the street, every night Bob undressed in front of his window with all the
lights on, then looked out into the night and gave a big wave before retiring.

“Beat around the bush”

Definition: This old phrase means, well, you know, sort of to, like, stall and stuff,
or lie even, instead of, um — hey look, that dog has a poofy tail! Sorry, it means
not to get to the point or the truth.

Origin: It comes from hunting, where hunters would carefully beat around bushes
hoping to drive out their prey instead of just going in after it.

Use it in a sentence:
Man #1: “Stop beating around the bush and ask the question already!”
Man #2: “Okay, fine. Can I borrow your girlfriend for, like, an hour?”

College entrance Exam for athletes

Author: admin  //  Category: Bored Dead, college

Exam for athletes…

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The following is a college or University entrance exam for athletes.

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Time Limit: 4 Days.

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Write Your Name: ________________________________________

(20 bonus points if spelled correctly).

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1. What is The spoken language of Germany?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions – OR – Give the FIRST name of Michael Vic.

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3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to

____ (a) construct a bridge

____ (b) lead an empire or

____ (c) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)

____ (a) Jewish

____ (b) Catholic

____ (c) Hindu

____ (d) atheist

5. Advanced Math: How many feet are in a 3 foot yard stick?

6. What time is it when the little hand is on the 6 and the big hand is on the 6?

7. In the 10 commandments how many was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in the America’s far NORTH called?

____ (a) Westerners

____ (b) Southerners

____ (c) NORTHerners

9. Spell the name of the current President of the US. (George Bush)

_______________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth.

Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?

____ (a) Wall Mart

____ (b) Kmart

____ (c) Target

____ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity?

____ (a) yes

____ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for which country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name.

16. Where is the basement in a four story building located?

17. Which part of the United States produces the most oranges?

____ (a) Minnnesota

____ (b) Florida

____ (c) Canada

____ (d) Wisconsin

18. More advanced math. If you have three oranges, how many pears do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?

____ (a) B.C

____ (b) A.D.

You know Your In College Too Long When…

Author: admin  //  Category: Bored Dead, college

You know Your In College Too Long When…

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* You consider McDonald’s or Burger King “real food”

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* You actually like doing laundry at home

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* The 3:00 AM last call is still early on the weekends

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* It starts getting late on the weeknights

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* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party

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* You wear dirty Blue Jean shorts three times in a row and think nothing of it

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* You’d rather clean than study

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* Half the time you don’t wake up in your own bed and it seems normal

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* Computer Solitaire is more than a game it’s a way of life

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* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps

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* You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark

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* You live for getting mail mostly (E-mail included)

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* Looking out your window is a form of entertainment

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* Prank phone calls become funny again

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* It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on

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* World War III could take place and you’d be clueless

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* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate

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* Black lights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth

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* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime

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* You find out milk crates had so many uses

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* Wal-mart is the coolest store

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* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday, (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday

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* You are sitting around making lists about how you know you’ve been in college too long

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Universal Grade Change Form

Author: admin  //  Category: Bored Dead, college

Universal Grade Change Form

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To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________

I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:

__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.

__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.

__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won’t get into:

__Medical School
__Graduate School
__Dental School
__Fraternity/Sorority
__The Mickey Mouse Club
__Tri County Tech

__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.

__5. I’ll lose my scholarship.

__6. I’m on a varsity sports team, and my tutor couldn’t find a copy of your exam for me.

__7. I didn’t come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.

__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.

__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.

__10. You are prejudiced against:

__ Males
__ Blacks
__ Females
__ Jews
__ Catholics
__ Whites
__ Protestants
__ Minorities
__ Chicanos
__ Students
__ People

__11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.

__12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:

__ mono
__ broken baby finger
__ acute alcoholism
__ pregnancy
__ VD
__ fatherhood

__13. You told us to be creative but you didn’t tell us exactly how you wanted that done.

__14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.

__15. I don’t have a reason; I just want a higher grade.

__16. The lectures were:

__ too detailed to pick out important points.
__ not explained in any sufficient detail.
__ your class was far too boring.
__ all jokes and not enough material.
__ all of the above.

__17. This course was:

__too early, I was not awake.
__at lunchtime, I was hungry.
__too late, I was tired.

__18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.

__19. Other reason: __________________.

College Admission Test

Author: admin  //  Category: Bored Dead, college

Several colleges have started a pilot program that uses a simple group experiment with Legos as a replacement for the standard admissions test.

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 The group must recreate a model of a robot in the next room, with only one team member allowed to view the robot at any one time.

Since different schools have different admissions requirements, the test has been generalized to meet the requirements of various schools:

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ENGINEERING COLLEGE: Â Build a real, working robot out of Legos.

LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE: Â Pick your favorite color of Lego block.

CULINARY COLLEGE: Â Bake an Eggo that no one would want to Lego.

COMMUNITY COLLEGE: Â Ring this box of Legos up on a cash register.

FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY: Â Steal as many Legos as possible.