Bored Dead

How to shoot like a Girl, America’s got talent Bow and arrow girl.

Bow and arrow

- Vibrators don’t have problems with gas … Nor do they hog the remote … Nor the computer!

- We can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever we want without being called a slut.

- Vibrators never go limp and rubbery, you simply replace the batteries when it tires.

- Position is your choice, not his.

- You don’t have to suck it.

- It works “while” the sports games are on.

- It always is hard.

- It doesn’t leave a mess behind.

- You don’t have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.

- It doesn’t care that you gained 10 lbs.

- It doesn’t fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.

- You don’t have to clean up the apartment before bringing it home.

- You don’t have to cook it breakfast and pretend to be interested in it the next morning.

- You can throw them in a drawer and only take them out when you want to!

- They don’t get tired after the first time.

- They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in the mood.

- They never drink too much and embarrass you.

- You don’t have to tell the vibrator he’s the best you ever had!

- Vibrators don’t prematurely ejaculate.

- Safe sex without a rubber.

- Vibrators don’t ask who your Daddy is.

- Vibrators last as long as YOU want them to last.

- You don’t have to put up with the shit, just turn it off when you get done with it !

- As long as you have a new pack of energizers the vibrator can keep going and going and going!

- Vibrators do what you want them to do at ALL times!

- Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime anywhere you want!!

- They never ask how they were.

- They don’t burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.

- You don’t have to dress up for your vibrator.

- You don’t have to stroke its ego.

- They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another get-go.

- It doesn’t leave a wet spot.

- You can carry it with you at all times, and not feel obligated to feed it.

- It doesn’t require “a little lip action” to get hard

- It has no problem finding the “g spot.”

- You know exactly where its been.

- Vibrators don’t care if you get crumbs in the bed.

* Not only is she a little young, but you’re sure that you used to date her mother.

* You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her.

* She has a thicker mustache than you.

* When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.

* You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.

* Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.

* You walk away from her front door with the roses you got her shoved up your ass.

* You are the first guy that she’s gone out with that isn’t her cousin.

* At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.

* She beats the crap out of some guy for making fun of your hair cut.

* You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.

* At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.

* You wake up to find your loins covered with purple and green spots, with an intense itching in your left thigh.

* She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet Satan.

* She is better hung than you.

* She constantly complains that her cat won’t stop laughing at her.

* She informs you that you can’t go out again because her spirit guide doesn’t like you.

* She informs you that you can’t go out again because her boyfriend doesn’t like you.

Reasons Why It’s Better To Be female

* We got off the Titanic first.

* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

* We never ejaculate prematurely.

* We get to flirt with systems support men, they always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

* We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.

* When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it’s pathetic.

* We do not have to get our strength up between sessions…and it’s much easier for us to get “laid” in the first place.

* We can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.

* Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous – guys look like complete idiots in ours.

* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

* We cry and get off speeding fines.

* We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers……

* Men die earlier so we get to cash in on all the life insurance.

* All taxis stop for us.

* We’ve never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

* We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.