Airline Jokes

Airline Dictionary

December 14, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment 

Airline Dictionary

The airline industry, like any other, has a specialized dictionary. These are words and phrases that are used commonly by airline employees for which the meanings may not be obvious to outsiders.

At great personal risk on an undercover sting operation, I was able to procure this dictionary. Now I present it to [...]

Pilots and Aircraft Squawk sheets

November 3, 2006 by Jeff · Leave a Comment 

Airline”squawk sheets”

Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”
Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”
Solution: “Evidence removed.”

Problem: “Number three engine missing.”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”
Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”
Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold [...]

In flight announcements

November 3, 2006 by Jeff · Leave a Comment 

In flight announcements

Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee…. “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways [...]