YOU KNOW YOU’VE HAD WILD SEX WHEN..

wild-sex.jpg* Your mattress has turned into a giant sponge.

* It takes five minutes to un-knot your bodies.

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* An earthquake of 3.4 on the Richter Scale is recorded in your area.

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* The cat’s exhausted from just watching you.

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* A trampoline company has to come to adjust your bed springs.

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* You’ve both gone down one clothing size.

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* You cancel your chiropractic appointment. There’s nothing left to adjust.

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* You have to breathe into a brown paper bag.

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* Boy, are you hungry!

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* You’re absolutely satisfied yet uncontrollably horny at the same time.

WHY NOTHING IS BETTER THAN SEX

better-than-sex.jpg1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.

2. Nothing is free.

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3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.

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4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.

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5. It’s perfectly alright to look bored while you do nothing.

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6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won’t get sued for it.

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7. Keep those hard-earned pounds — do nothing!

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8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.

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9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.

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10. Chances are, you won’t feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.

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11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won’t lead to any embarrassing situations later on.

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12. Men and women generally take the same amount of time to do nothing.

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13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.

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14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.

15. PMS won’t keep you from doing nothing (thank heavens).

16. Being “in the mood” to do nothing is no big effort.

17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.

18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.

19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.

20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.

Banned VW Commercial

Ackmed and his VW

20 REASONS WHY A QUICKIE BEATS MARATHON SEX

marathon-sex.jpg1. No repetitive-stress injuries.

2. Knocks out insomnia faster than two tabs of Tylenol PM and a Bud tallboy.

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3. Two words: less sweat.

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4. On deadline? No problem!

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5. Saves on batteries.

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6. No guilt associated with sayin

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gee, “I think it’s time for you to go home now.”

7. Two more words: stress reduction.

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8. Makes for an interesting elevator ride.

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9. Won’t ruin your lipstick.

10. Great way to kill time while stuck in traffic on the way to the beach (if you don’t mind rubberneckers).

11. Sometimes you just don’t want your toes sucked.

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12. You don’t have to worry about remembering your partner’s name.

13. Performance anxiety? What’s that?

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14. It’s something to do while talking to your parents on the phone.

15. Doesn’t give you enough time to notice he or she smells bad.

16. You don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of having an orgasm in front of someone you hardly know.

17. You can have your after-sex cig in the cab. That is, after having sex in the cab.

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18. A line doesn’t form outside the bathroom at the party.

19. Dinner doesn’t get cold.

20. Pillow talk? What’s that!

Jamie Chung


Gender: Female
Birthplace: San Fransico, California
Birthday: 4-10-1983
Birth Name: Jamie Lynn Chung