For some reason covering Britney Spears we are just at a loss for words.

So sit back and enjoy the out of control lifestyle of Ms. Britney Spears

OJ Simpson Jokes

1. Q: How do we know that Thurman Thomas didn’t kill O.J.’s ex-wife?
A: Thurman would have fumbled the knife.

2. O.J. was the first running back to run 2000 yards and the first murderer
to run 2000 miles!

3. B oy B oy B oy
I I t I
L ove L ooks L ove
L ife L ike L osing
S entences S an Quentin S pouses

4. I heard that O.J. was no longer the prime suspect in the case. The reason
being that as an ex-Buffalo Bill, if he were going to murder her, he
would have done it the Buffalo Bill way and choked her.

5. O.J. used to play football. Now it looks like he played sock-her as well.

6. He’s still a great footballer … Still slices up the opposition wherever
he finds them!!!

7. Q. What’s the difference between Ryne Sandberg and O.J. Simpson?
A. Ryne lost his killer instinct and O.J. found it.

8. Q: Did you hear O.J. has refused to play on the prison football team?
A: He heard they wanted him to line up in a four-point stance.

9. Q: Did you hear the Bills fired Marv Levy?
A: They felt the team lacked a killer instinct, so they hired O.J.
Simpson.

10. O.J. ran for more yards in one evening than in 8 years with Buffalo.

11. Q: What was O.J.’s favorite play in the Bills’ playbook?
A: Cut left, then slash right!

12. Rumor has it that instead of giving Juice the chair for a guilty
conviction,
they are going to sentence him to play two more years in Buffalo.

13. Q: Why did O.J. kill Goldman?
A: To prove the Bills could slaughter the competition and not just choke.

14. Q: Why did O.J. kill his ex?
A: He wanted to terminate her free agency.

15. Q: Why did O.J. go to Chicago after killing two people?
A: It was the perfect place for a three-peat!

16. At the end of the regulation marriage, without any additional scoring,
the only thing left was sudden death.

17. O.J.’s final run, although spectacular, epitomized his career. Just think
what he could have done if he had just had some really good blocking.

18. I hear O.J. tried to kill his wife in Buffalo, but they retired his .32.

19. More evidence that O.J. didn’t kill his ex-wife:

Any man who can sit beside Howard Cosell on Monday Night Football
without killing him would never kill anyone.

20. O.J. was offered a plea bargain. Life in prison without parole, or a
season behind the Cleveland Browns line. He took the life sentence.

21. Q: Did you hear what the longest drive was during the U.S. Open?
A: O.J. Simpson – 61 miles.

22. Q: Who’s the most famous Los Angeles Dodger?
A: O.J. Simpson.

23. Heard on one of the New York City radio stations:

“I tried to watch the Knicks game last night, but all I kept seeing
were those Ford Bronco commercials.”

24. O.J. play by play:

“Well, there’s not much time left, they have to make a big play soon …”
“Movement in the backfield, It’s O.J.! What a move! He breaks away from a
pack of defenders, he’s going 10, 5. He just might make it.”
“He cuts to the 91…now streaks down the 405. They can’t catch him!”
“Looks like he’s going to make it, and…ooohh….They bring him down in
the driveway, just short.”
“What a play…One we’ll all remember…One for the record books, O.J.’s
longest run from skirmish.”

25. O.J. Simpson will go down in history as one of the most versatile players
in history….,

He entered the NFL as a running back…,
He entered prison as a tight end…,
and will leave prison as a wide receiver!!

26. I heard this one this morning on WLZR FM in Milwaukee.

Did you hear that the police are now saying that O.J. moved the bodies
after the murders? They are accusing him of 2 carries for 58 yards.

27. The police are now saying that the murder weapon was a set of hedge
clippers. O.J.’s lawyers think that instead of getting the death
penalty, O.J. will get 15 yards for clipping.

II. Hertz Rental Car and other acting-related jokes

1. I’ve heard that O.J.’s troubles have resulted in at least one commercial
endorsement contract being cancelled.
Apparently it’s _killed_ his Ginsu Knife deal!

2. Did you hear about Hertz’ new billboard?
A picture of O.J. Simpson with a caption, “Hertz: For Great Getaways!”

3. Q: What was Nicole Simpson’s last words?
A: Stop, O.J.! It Hertz!

4. Well I don’t buy his alibi either. Have you seen the way O.J. moves
through an airport? And he’s real quick at rental cars too…

5. I guess everyone in the L.A. Airport thought O.J. was just shooting a new
rental car commercial when they saw him running through the airport!
Coincidence? I think not!

6. Did you hear that Hertz Car Rental Agency is changing its name to Killz?

7. A new Ford Bronco is being marketed to replace the Eddie Bauer model.
It is the O.J. model. It comes with storage for your ice picks and
bloody gloves, stain-resistant carpeting, extra fuel capacity for
those long trips and a cellular phone. Takes you for the drive of
a lifetime.

8. Q: Did you hear about the new Hertz commercial?
A: O.J. is seen running through the airport, jumping over seats and babies
in strollers, to catch his plane for Chicago. The rental agent is
frantically running after him yelling, “Mr. Simpson, Mr. Simpson, you
forgot your bloody glove!”

9. Q: Whatever drove O.J. to kill his wife?
A: A Hertz Rent-A-Car.

10. New, from Hertz: The “O.J. Weekend Getaway Special!” Your choice of
Bronco, with enough gas to go 70 miles. And you end up at your
front door!

11. The police say a jogger claims to have seen O.J.’s car at the murder
scene the night his ex-wife was killed. He should have rented a
car from Hertz.

12. Naked Gun 44 1/4 – Nordberg gets The Chair!

13. Q: Is O.J. Simpson still the spokesman for Hertz?
A: Not exactly.

14. Actually I heard that Hertz just renewed O.J.’s contract. Only now
he’s making license plates for them.

15. I heard that O.J. lost his Hertz Rental Car endorsement contract, but he
has a new endorsement offer.
Taco Bell has hired him to “Run for the Border.”

16. Q: How do we know it wasn’t someone from Avis who killed them?
A: Whomever did it sure didn’t try very hard.

17. Now I know why O.J. did all those Hertz commercials…Practice.

18. Is it true that O.J. was last seen chasing a one-armed man?

III. Orange Juice puns

1. Q. What did Mike Tyson having for breakfast?
A. Fresh-squeezed O.J.

2. Looks like they’ll be putting the juice to the Juice...

3. Did you know that he confessed? Yeah, they squeezed it out of him.

4. The real reason O.J. is being detained by the police is that he does
really poorly in the interrogations. You see, O.J. has a problem:
He can’t concentrate.

5. Q. How do you get an electric chair to work?
A. Give it the Juice!

6. After O.J. is sent to prison, all the inmates will be asking each other,
“Have you had your O.J. this morning?”

7. IMPORTANT Commodities News Flash! O.J. futures have fallen 12 points…

8. New cocktail: Bloody Screwdriver

Start with O.J., 1 ounce of bitters, add sliced tomato and chopped fruit.

9. Q: Hear about the new Bronco drink?
A: It consists of a couple of jiggers followed by a bunch of O.J. chasers.

10. Q: What do the LAPD and Tropicana have in common?
A: They both have O.J. in a can.

11. My mom tried to give me some orange juice this morning.
I told her, “No way, mom! O.J. will KILL you!”

12. Q: What is the difference between Tang and O.J.?
A: Tang won’t kill you!!

13. Q: Why do they call him O.J.?
A: Because he beats the pulp out of his women.

14. There is a new drink out in the bars now, called the Bloody Nicole.
It’s the same thing as a Bloody Mary, but instead of adding tomato juice,
you add O.J.!

IV. Prison and killing-related jokes

1. They are going to re-make the movie “The Longest Yard,” starring
O.J. Simpson as himself.

2. Q. Why won’t prison be that different for O.J.?
A. He will still have big guys opening holes for him.

3. Q. Why did O.J. Simpson go to Chicago?
A. To find a clean towel.

4. O.J. showed up at his lawyer’s office wearing shorts and a Hawaiian
shirt. The lawyer says, “Why are you dressed like that?” O.J. says,
“Didn’t you say I was going to Cancun?” To which the lawyer replies,
“No. I said, ‘You’re going to the can, coon.’”

5. Headline for the Daily Fishwrap…

THE JUICE NOOSES DEUCE ! STILL ON THE LOOSE !

By the way, wouldn’t it be humorous if they pan the cameras across
the crowd at the NBA finals, and there he sat watching the game?

6. Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: O.J. paying a visit to his ex-wife.

7. Q: What is the difference between Rodney King and O.J. Simpson?
A: O.J. started out with millions.

8. When O.J. gets to prison and converts to the Nation of Islam, he’ll of
course change his name to O.J. X.

9. Q: Why does everyone want O.J. over for Thanksgiving dinner?
A: He sure knows how to slice the hell out of the white meat!

10. Q: Do you know why O.J. drove around as long as he did?
A: He was waiting for a call from Dr. Kevorkian!

11. At O.J. Simpson’s arraignment yesterday, the prosecutor said “..and we
will
prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Mr. Simpson committed this crime
with malice and forethought.” At which point a confused O.J. blurted
out, “That’s not true! I did it alone!”

12. Q: Why were the police suspicious after they called O.J. in Chicago?
A: He denied he was the culprit, and even suggested they come to the golf
tournament and see how bad his slice was.

13. Q: Why did O.J. stop at his ex-wife’s house on his way to the airport?
A: He had some time to kill.

14. Q: Why did O.J. flee?
A: He was mad about not being Grand Marshall in the Rose Parade.

15. The defense may claim O.J. was acting on the advice of his marriage
counselor. After the last attempt at reconciliation had failed, the
counselor told the distraught O.J. to make another stab at it.

16. Q: What did O.J. say to Goldman when he found him with his ex-wife?
A: Hey pal, mind if I cut in?

17. Q: What is O.J.’s favorite soft drink?
A: SLICE !!!!

18. Q: What is O.J.’s motto?
A: If you can’t beat ‘em, stab ‘em.

19. Q: Why did O.J. sit in the Bronco for so long?
A: Because Rodney King called him and told him not to get out of the car.

V. Miscellaneous Jokes

1. Houston schlockjocks on morning radio used the following subject:
Good prison names for O.J. Maybe that will get you started.

Only heard a couple... O.rifice J.amboree got my vote.

2. Q. What does O.J. stand for?
A: Obdurate Jerk Objective Jury? Obligatory Jokes
Obsessively Jealous Obstinate Jealousy Obstreperous Journey
Open Jugular Orange Jumpsuit Out Joyriding
Outlaw Jock Outlook: Jail Outta Job

3. Following is evidence that O.J. is not the killer:

1. They only found one glove – Michael Jackson actually did it.
2. If he murdered her, it would Hertz his advertising career.
3. The Juice was capable of putting the squeeze on his ex-wife, but
never beating the pulp out of her.
4. It is proven that murderers have little ability to think, but
everyone has seen O.J. concentrate.
5. The pattern of stab wounds is irrefutable – any football fan knows
that O.J. could never cut to the left.

4. Q: What do O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They are both missing a glove.

5. Q: What did Michael Jackson say to O.J. Simpson?
A: Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the kids.

6. Q: Have you heard about the new children’s game?
A: It’s called “Where’s O.J.?”

7. Q: What is O.J.’s favorite song?
A: ‘I Used to Love Her But I Had to Kill Her’ by Guns ‘n’ Roses.
‘Communication Breakdown’ by Led Zeppelin
‘Run to the Hills’ by Iron Maiden

8. Q: What is O.J.’s favorite musical group?
A: Slayer
Drivin’ and Cryin’
Suicidal Tendencies

9. There once was a fellow named Simpson,
Who ran away covered in crimson.
After carving his wife,
With a “substantial knife,”
Said the cops, “What you did was quite grim, son.”

10. Q: Did you hear John Wayne Bobbit called O.J. last night?
A: He wanted O.J. to know that he knows what it feels like to be
separated from a loved one.

11. Q: What are the three worst words to hear form O.J. Simpson?
A: I love you.

12. Q: What do you get when you put Lorena Bobbit, Tammy Faye, and O.J.
Simpson
in the same room?
A: A butcher, a Bakker and a license plate maker.

13. Q: Did you hear about the new O.J. Simpson breakfast special?
A: It’s eggs, steak and prune juice. First, you beat it, then you stab
it with a knife, then you get the runs.

14. Someone has stepped forward to be O.J.’s alibi. Apparently he was seen
waiting to be seated at a local Denny’s

What is a 1031 Tax Exchange?

If you invest in real estate (a rather popular pursuit in this day and age), you’ve likely come across the phenomenon of the 1031 exchange. (Or, if you haven’t, you’re frantically trying to figure out what exactly one is and what it can do for you). To put it simply, a 1031 tax exchange is a way for property owners to sell property and immediately purchase another property “of like kind” without paying the capital gains tax in the interim. What does this mean for you as a real estate owner? It means that when selling one property in order to buy another (a common occurrence), it is possible to structure the transaction in a way that minimizes the immediate tax burden you must shoulder.

Generally, a real estate sale constitutes a fairly significant tax event. Why? Most of the time (or at least we hope most of the time), a property has gained value between the time that you purchased it and the time that you attempt to sell it. That increase in value of something you own, then, constitutes a capital gain: an increase in the worth of something you own and, therefore, increased capital. Taxes are owed to the government on capital gains much in the same way that income from a job is taxed: a percentage of the increased value is paid through the federal capital gains tax.

1031 Tax Exchanges

This capital gains tax can hamper your ability to sell and purchase properties because it often represents a significant loss of investment equity: you don’t walk away from the sale with the full amount of increased value. This can substantially affect the amount of money you have available for purchasing your next property.
A 1031 exchange, then, represents a way for you as a real estate investor to sell one property and purchase another without losing investment equity (which, after all, is what you’re ultimately trying to build) to the capital gains tax. This allows you to re-invest your real estate earnings immediately and (hopefully) build your investment assets much more quickly and efficiently. In 1031 tax exchanges, you effectively defer payment of the tax that you owe until a later date. The 1031 tax exchange, then, doesn’t make the tax go away (it is illegal to evade this tax completely) – but it does give you use of your money right now when you need it most.

Savvy real estate investors know how to use 1031 exchanges to their advantage – and it is in your best interest as a businessperson to learn the ins and outs of 1031 tax exchanges before your next real estate transaction.

What Do I Need To Know?

As a real estate investor, you need to understand the basics of the 1031 exchange process in order to benefit fully from this opportunity. The IRS has a set of rules in place that serve as guidelines for proper 1031 exchange decorum: these rules are not difficult to follow, but they are understandably strict.

One important rule in the IRS 1031 tax code is that the properties being bought and sold must fall into one of three major real estate categories: land, rental, and business. This means that a 1031 tax exchange is NOT possible for the sale and purchase of your own residential dwelling. If you and your family are selling one property to move into another, the 1031 exchange is not applicable. This process is only available for owned investment properties. Furthermore, in order for the 1031 tax exchange to be applicable, the property you are purchasing must be of a “like kind” as the property you are selling. This means that a swath of farmland can only be exchanged for another swath of farmland – not a condo block in the city – and a business property can only be exchanged for another business property. This stipulation is in place to insure the integrity of the tax code’s spirit – which is to benefit real estate investors moving up in their respective markets. It is important to note, however, that the “like kind” requirement does allow for vast differences in terms of quality: low-grade timberland, for example, can be legally exchanged for timberland of vastly superior quality.

1031 Tax Exchange Process Requirements

Another major factor in the 1031 exchange process that affects you as the buyer/seller is the requirement of having a “safe harbor” (generally a qualified intermediary) who holds the proceeds of the sale while the 1031 exchange is in process. This qualified intermediary generally is responsible for coordinating efforts between the exchangers, preparing documents for both properties, supplying the escrow company with information and instructions, securing the funds in an insured bank until the exchange is fully complete, providing transfer documents, and disbursing proceeds into escrow.

The third factor of the 1031 exchange process that is important to individual investors is the set of timelines that must be followed. Generally, you begin the process by working with an agent or other professional who can guide you through the process. Once initial documents are in place (based on information about both the relinquished and purchased properties), you enter a 180-day period during which the remainder of the transaction must be carried out. These time guidelines are critical: in order for the exchange to be legal, all deadlines must be met.

1031 Tax Exchange Costs

While the goal of a 1031 exchange is most certainly to save you money, the process is a legal transaction that does require the assistance of trained professionals and, thus, a number of fees.

Generally, the administrative costs of setting up and closing on your relinquished property fall in the neighborhood of $300 per occurrence. For the replacement property (the property being purchased), the administrative costs are likely to be in the neighborhood of $150 – for a total cost of $450 for a full transaction in which one property is sold and another property is bought.

As a general rule, however, the fees associated with a 1031 tax exchange are minimal compared to what might be lost immediately in taxes – and working with a professional guarantees that the transaction will be completed effectively, appropriately, and, most importantly, legally. All the fees in the world, however, cannot protect you from the stringent timelines that are in place for 1031 exchanges.

1031 Tax Exchange Time Limits

A 1031 tax exchange begins when you sell a property. The clock officially starts ticking on either the date the deed of sale is recorded or the date that possession is transferred to the buyer – whichever comes first. The legal period for the 1031 tax exchange then ends either 180 days after it begins or on the date that the exchanger’s (read: your) tax return is due (including any tax deadline extensions) for the tax year in which the relinquished property is transferred – again, whichever comes first. These deadlines are hard and fast: don’t expect to receive an extension, as there are no allowable reasons for an extension. This holds true even when a deadline falls on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s Day: you will not be given an extra business day by the U.S. government.

The first 45 days of the 180-day (or less) period is called the identification period and is subject to its own set of rules. During this 45-day period, you must identify and declare your intended replacement property. This 45-day period is, again, enforced strictly and is not subject to hard-luck stories. If your identified replacement property is destroyed by a natural disaster after the 45-day period ends . . . you are not entitled to identify a new property. If you discover a different and better replacement property after the 45-day period ends . . . you are not entitled to identify a new property.

Additionally, there are no special exceptions made for sellers who are relinquishing multiple properties at once. In this instance, all deadlines begin on the transfer date of the first property and, not surprisingly, may not be extended.

How do I set up a 1031 Exchange?

The process for setting up a 1031 exchange will vary according to how you choose to go about your transaction. If you’re working with your own personal lawyer and tax professional, these experts will advise you as to what information is needed at each point of the process. If you’re working with a realty firm or other professional organization that specializes in guiding investors through the 1031 exchange process, you’ll receive similar instructions about how to proceed.
Generally, you’ll need to following pieces of information to get the process started:

1. Your name. For the purpose of this 1031 exchange transaction, expect to be referred to throughout as the “exchanger.”

2. Your status. Are you an individual? A married couple working together? Do you represent a company or business? In short, how are you entering into this agreement?

3. Your address. Clearly, this will not be the property address in question (either of them), as you cannot exchange your residential property. Make sure this address is appropriate for receiving plenty of mail.

4. Your home, work, and/or cell phone numbers. Be sure to supply a number where you can easily be reached – especially during business hours.

5. Your fax number. There are many documents which will be exchanged during the 1031 process, and fax is often the most logical way of ensuring they are delivered. If you do not have easy access to a fax machine, consider finding out if your email server can accept faxes.

6. Email address. Again, this is all about making sure you can be contacted easily. Supply an address that you check regularly.

7. Relinquished property address. This is the address of the property you are SELLING to begin the transaction. This information is critical, as it is the sale of this “relinquished property” that begins the 1031 tax exchange process.

8. Name and address of escrow/closing company. What company is helping you with the sale of your current property? How can that organization be easily contacted?

9. Name and address of closing agent or escrow officer. Which individual at your closing company is personally in charge of your specific sale? How can this person be easily contacted?

10. Name(s) of buyer(s) of your relinquished property. You must supply information about the party that has purchased the property you have just sold, as they will be required to participate (minimally) in the 1031 exchange process.

11. Exchanger’s realtor. Identify who it is that you are working with to locate and purchase a replacement property. You will need to provide contact information for this person as well.

Note that you do NOT need to supply information about your intended replacement property at this early stage: you will identify and declare your replacement property during the 45-day identification period that begins your 1031 tax exchange period.

Setting up a 1031 Exchange

When it comes to managing the ins and outs of 1031 tax exchanges, there are a number of details to keep straight. Luckily, you won’t be going it alone in the land of tax exchanges: if you’ve planned your game right, you’ll enter your first (or next) 1031 exchange with the assistance of a qualified intermediary. In the world of 1031 exchanges, qualified intermediaries are what keep everything ticking: your qualified intermediary will help you manage your 1031 tax exchange from start to finish, blithely covering all the details from the moment you decide to pursue a 1031 exchange to the moment you file your tax return the following April. Qualified intermediaries, then, leave you free to manage your properties – not run around town tackling tiny details.

Setting up your 1031 tax exchange, then, is never easier than with the help of a qualified intermediary. You’ll begin by submitting basic personal information: your own name, address, telephone number(s), and email address. Remember to provide phone numbers and email addresses where you can be contacted easily: your qualified intermediary will likely need to speak with you during business hours to ensure that everything is running smoothly.

You’ll next need to provide information about your relinquished property: the one you are selling at this time. This is important because the details of the relinquished property are required to complete the exchange. Provide the address, city, state, and zip code of the property you are relinquishing – as well as details about the closing agent(s) or escrow officer(s) on the sale. Remember that your qualified intermediary will need to be able to contact the closing officer for the relinquished property – so provide accurate contact information. You will also need to provide the name of person or entity who has purchased your relinquished property. This information is a requirement of the 1031 exchange process.

You will then need to provide information about your current real estate agent. Generally, this is the individual or organization who assisted you in the sale of your relinquished property and is helping you in your search for a replacement property.

One important note is that you do NOT need to have identified your replacement property (the property that you intend to purchase) before setting up a 1031 exchange. Once the exchange is in motion, you will be subject to a 45-day period during which you must legally identify the property you choose to purchase – but you do not have to identify the property you wish to buy before you begin the process of a 1031 tax exchange.

1031 Information Center

1031 Information Center: After my first 1031 tax exchange, when will I be eligible for another?

Because of the advantages the 1031 exchange process offers to real estate owners, the IRS has placed controls on the length of time that your replacement property (the property you bought after selling your original property) must be held before you can sell it. This is true both if you want to sell your replacement property as an independent transaction AND if you wish to use your replacement property to enter another 1031 tax exchange. The reason for this is to control the number and types of transactions that can be enacted under the 1031 exchange program to avoid abuse.

If you find that you must sell or exchange your replacement property before the end of the federally-mandated holding period, it is possible to side-step the regulation by using your replacement property (generally a rental property) as your main residence. The rationale behind this is simple: while selling business or rental properties subjects you to the payment of capital gains taxes, selling your personal dwelling is NOT subject to capital gains taxes (as long as the capital gain is not above $250,000 for a single person or $500,000 for a married couple). If you sell your personal residence, then, you are unlikely to owe capital gains taxes. You can then move into your former rental property. After you have lived in that property for a specified period of time (again, governmentally regulated), it will qualify as your personal residence – meaning that you can sell this former replacement property without paying capital gains taxes.

In some cases where a 1031 exchange is not possible, another option may be used to effectively defer payment of the capital gains tax. One alternative to the 1031 exchange is the structured sale annuity – also called an “Ensured Installment Sale.” This seller tool is a combination of a standard installment sale and a structured annuity. This means that the seller will receive sale proceeds over a set period of time, in a series of installments. In this scenario, the tax situation is such that the seller will be required to pay taxes only on income that has actually been received – thus allowing the seller to effectively string out tax payments over time rather than tackling them in one large chunk.

If, for example, you are to receive $100,000 worth of capital gains on a relinquished property, you might sell the property in an installment plan that arranges for you to only receive $5000 in capital gains each year – vastly diminishing the amount of capital gains taxes you will need to pay immediately. The ensured installment sale is an excellent option for those who are having difficulty finding a replacement property for a 1031 exchange or who cannot meet time limits.

1031 Information Center: What is the difference between a 1031 exchange and a property swap?

Historically, the practice of essentially trading one property for another has been fraught with trouble – at least as long as taxes have been in existence. Why? Simple. Consider this basic scenario: I wish to purchase your property. You wish to sell your property to me. In order for me to have the money I need to buy your property, however, I first must sell the property I already have – but I don’t want to sell my property until I know for sure that I’ve bought yours. Additionally, if I sell my property, the taxes I must pay might cost me so much that I no longer have enough money to purchase your property.

Complicated? It can certainly seem that way.

The classic your-property-for-my-property swap is called a two-party exchange – but it only works if you also want my property. Not surprisingly, this happens fairly rarely: two property owners are not usually mutually interested in one another’s property. To get around these sticky situations, the idea of a three-way or multi-party swap came into play. It involved using an uninvolved third party to hold the money (and/or one of the transferred properties) along the way. Trouble often arose when one leg of the triangle collapsed or proved untrustworthy.

The solution to the problem, then, came in 1991, when the IRS issued regulation 1031. The 1031 exchange allows you to sell your property right now and keep all the proceeds to buy another property later. To keep things above-board, the transaction must be done with the help of a Qualified Intermediary. A 1031 exchange, then, is a legal solution to a sticky situation – meaning that you don’t have to find a way to “swap” properties if you want to create an advantageous tax situation.

Another streamlined feature of the 1031 tax exchange is that you do not need the involvement (only the implicit cooperation) of either the buyer of your relinquished property of the seller of your replacement property. The use of a Qualified Intermediary effectively avoids the need for a third leg to the triangle – and makes it possible for 1031 exchanges to run flawlessly time and time again.

Simply put, the 1031 exchange is an unabashedly simple and effective way to sell appreciated business, farms, land, and investment properties without paying capital gains taxes. It allows for a simple, regulated, legal method for the transfer of appreciated property and the growth of real estate investor wealth.

1031 Tax Exchange – Tracking Your Transaction

Tracking your 1031 exchange transaction

Once your 1031 exchange is in motion, it is important to track its progress through the system. Why? Time limits. Remember that your 1031 tax exchange is subject to strict, governmentally regulated time limitations – and you absolutely will not receive any extensions or second chances. For this reason, it is important to regularly check on the progress of your 1031 exchange. Until the forms are signed and you actually submit your tax documents to the IRS in April, your 1031 is not complete. Most sellers will complete a 1031 exchange with the assistance of a real estate, legal, and/or tax professional. No matter what individual or service is assisting with your 1031 exchange, make it your business to check on the status of the transactions regularly. Ensure that your replacement property has been legally declared (in writing) within the 45-day limit and that the entire procedure takes place within the 180-day limit (or sooner if tax time so demands). Once you’ve begun a 1031 transaction, it is your responsibility to make sure that it reaches completion.

1031 Tax Exchange – What Happens When I Sell My Replacement Property?

I’ve completed my first 1031 tax exchange. What happens when I sell my replacement property?

First, it is important to remember that there are federally mandated limits for the amount of time you must hold your replacement property before you may sell it in any transaction (though there are available loopholes for those willing to go out of their way). Once you’ve reached that amount of time, however, you can use that replacement property as the relinquished property in another 1031 exchange. This allows you to effectively climb the “property ladder” and move from one property to another and then to another, gaining value all the time.

It is critical, however, to remember that a 1031 is a tax deferment – not tax forgiveness. You will still owe taxes on your capital gains earned through investment and business real estate. Think about it in terms of your traditional IRA or employer-sponsored 401(k). Right now, you’re saving that money without paying any taxes. The savings go in and the savings grow – but you don’t pay capital gains tax on that money until you reach retirement and actually begin to cash out the account and use the money.

A tax-deferred 1031 real estate exchange works much the same way. As long as you continue to re-invest your money in other real estate, the capital gains taxes will be put off for sometime in the vague future. You may pay taxes on any rental income that you take in – but not on the appreciation of the real estate itself. When you’re ready to sell your last piece of property and exit from the real estate business, however, that deferred capital gains tax is going to come into play and rear its (possibly quite ugly) head. In this case, many sellers choose to use a structured sale. This allows many benefits to you as the seller and helps lessen the blow of that accumulated capital gains tax, allowing you to exit the real estate market gracefully.

Exchangers’ Clearinghouses

It is a truth more or less universally acknowledged that one of the hardest parts about a successful 1031 exchange is finding a suitable replacement property. When it comes to trading up in real estate, it can be difficult to find the right option for your needs: how will you know when you find exactly the right property in the right location and price range and with the right amenities?

For this reason, many potential 1031 exchanges fizzle in the original 45-day identification period. The 45-day identification period is the first portion of the overall 180-day limit: during that time, you as the seller must find and declare (in writing) a suitable replacement property of like kind. If you cannot find a property you wish to purchase in this time, your window for a 1031 exchange closes – and you will find yourself paying those capital gains taxes. Additionally, it’s important that you be absolutely sure about your identified property when you officially declare it: once you’ve made one selection, it cannot be changed after the 45-day period closes.

As a result, many 1031 exchangers find it tempting to backdate documents to satisfy the requirements of the identification time period. This is sometimes done as follows: a suitable property is identified after the 45-day limit, and the individual attempts to bend the rules by sending a letter to the real estate agent (or lawyer) backdated to fall within the 45-day period.

In truth, however, backdating documents is never a smart decision. Any 1031 exchange is a legal process and is subject to plenty of rules and regulations. Backdating any document legally constitutes fraud – and the IRS has not historically looked kindly upon fraudulent activity. If you or any parties involved in the deal are audited, the penalties will most certainly be significant. In this light, note that it is critical to deal with the 45-day identification period with the utmost honesty and integrity.

At the end of the day, however, the hard truth is that it is difficult to find a suitable replacement property. It never seems to fail that as soon as you sell your strip mall, all the formerly eligible properties seem to disappear mysteriously from the market – or that the moment you sell your rented condo, there falls upon your city a great shortage. For this reason, many real estate investors turn to exchangers’ clearinghouses. These databases work much like a standard real estate Multiple Listing Service: you can post your own available property and search for others that meet your requirements. The plusses of this system include access to large quantities of information and the privilege of doing business with other smart, like-minded real estate investors who understand what it is your looking for and how to run a smart transaction.

1031 Tax Exchange Escrow Companies

1031 Escrow Companies, Real Estate Agents, and Exchangers

Because of the complicated nature of 1031 exchanges, it is important to work with the guidance of a trained, certified professional in the field who can help you navigate the ins and outs of the process. This means working with an 1031 tax exchange escrow company, real estate agent, lawyer, or exchange specialist. Find a company or individual that makes you feel comfortable: the process of a 1031 exchange is relatively long, and you’ll be relying on this person or entity for an extended period of time. Having the right assistance, then, is critical – so take the time to really consider your options.

1031 Exchange – Replacement Property

Can I identify more than one replacement property for my 1031 exchange?

As a general rule, the idea behind a 1031 exchange is to help real estate investors “upgrade” to a larger or better property as they progress in the business. This means that most 1031 exchangers will be looking for replacement properties that are of a higher value than the property they are selling (or at least a property that is in line with the appreciated value of the current property).

In some situations, however, you might find yourself looking to replace an investment property with a number of smaller properties rather than one larger property. Depending on the market in your specific area, this can be a smart decision for financial reasons.

Exchangers are allowed to identify multiple replacement properties for one 1031 tax exchange transaction if they adhere to one of two stipulations. The first scenario is known as the three-property rule. It simply states that you may identify a maximum of three eligible replacement properties. In this situation, the fair market value of the replacement properties does not matter: as long as there are no more than three, the 1031 exchange may proceed.

The second option is the 200 percent rule. In this scenario, an exchanger is allowed to identify any number of properties – but the total fair market value of the combined properties must be less than 200 percent of the total fair market value of all relinquished properties.

An interesting caveat to these rules is that fair market value for replacement values is not figured until the end of the identification period (45 days). The fair market value of your relinquished property (or properties), however, is set as of the date of transfer. If at the end of your identification period your total for replacement properties is too high, your 1031 tax exchange will not go through: the IRS will treat you as though you have identified no replacement property.

1031 Tax Exchange Guide

Step-by-Step Instructions: 1031 Exchanges

From the outside, a 1031 exchange can seem like a daunting proposition. A transaction that involves multiple real estate transfers, arcane tax codes, and a team of lawyers and accountants? For most people, that’s the equivalent of a flashing neon sign saying, “Count me out.”

With the right preparation and the right support, however, 1031 tax exchanges don’t have to be anywhere near that level of doom and gloom. In truth, a 1031 exchange can be a simple transaction that requires only the most basic of information to get started.

You’ll begin with an information-gathering phase. At this early stage, you want to learn as much as possible about 1031 tax exchanges and how they can affect you. Reading this information is a great place to start – but you should research widely to make sure you are well read on the subject. Next, you should consult with your personal tax advisor. This individual can help you look at the pros and cons of a 1031 tax exchange within the context of your own personal situation. This tax professional can help you look closely at your specific situation: is the exchange practical based on an estimation of capital gains?

1031 Tax Exchange Instructions

Once you’re sure you want to proceed with the 1031 tax exchange, complete the sale of your current property and take the signed agreements to the closing agent to open escrow. Inform the closing agent that your intention is to complete a 1031 exchange, then contact the party who is assisting you with your 1031 exchange so that all the relevant information can be traded. The company or individual assisting you with your 1031 tax exchange will then correspond with the closing agent to manage a number of details – allowing you to sign the relevant exchange documents when you sign other closing documents. The closing agent will then transfer proceeds from the sale of your property to your 1031 exchange manager. Your 45- and 180-day clocks now begin to tick.

Within 45 days of this date, you must legally identify the replacement property you wish to purchase. You will then enter the purchasing process on this new property. Sale and purchase agreements for this transaction must include an “Exchange Clause” explaining that the transaction is part of a 1031 exchange so that all parties are clear on the rules and stipulations therein. Your qualified intermediary will then contact the closing agent to handle the relevant paperwork and move the procedure into escrow. The proceeds from the sale of your previous property are then paid out by your qualified intermediary to the necessary party. Note that at the end of your 180-day exchange period, any unused funds from your initial sale are returned to you as the “boot” – and are subject to taxation.

To officially finish the 1031 tax exchange process, file IRS form 8824 (Like-Kind Exchanges) when you file your regular tax documents in April – and voila: a 1031 tax exchange.

1031 Tax Exchange Process

Because of numerous legal requirements and 1031 tax exchange regulations, every 1031 tax exchange is a closely monitored procedure with many rules, time limits, and stipulations. As a general rule, the guidelines set out by the government are not difficult to follow – but they must be followed to an absolute “T.”

When working with an organization that specializes in 1031 tax exchanges, you’ll find that the steps required to begin an exchange are very straightforward and easy. Generally, once you have signed your purchase and sale contract and made the necessary arrangements with your title and escrow company to close the transaction, you can move forward on setting up the 1031 exchange. You will provide basic information about the property you have sold and the property you intend to buy, and, generally, pay all or a portion of an administrative fee that covers costs associated with managing your exchange. Generally, the 1031 specialist will then take the wheel for the remainder of the transaction.

1031 Tax Exchange Steps

In a more specific sense, the following are the steps that must be followed in order to complete a typical 1031 exchange:

1. Retain the services and advice of a Certified Public Accountant. Why? You’re working with complicated tax code – and you need someone on your side who understands it thoroughly.

2. Sell your property and include a Cooperation Clause in the sales agreement which states that you intend to complete a 1031 exchange. This is required so that the buyer is notified and is able to cooperate to make the exchange happen smoothly.

3. Using a Qualified Intermediary, enter into a 1031 exchange agreement that meets IRS guidelines. Sign an amendment that identifies your Qualified Intermediary as the seller. An important note: you do not yet have to identify a replacement property.

4. The relinquished escrow closes (reflecting the Qualified Intermediary as the seller) and sale proceeds are placed in a separate, segregated account to ensure safety. The 180-day clock begins to tick.

5. Within 45 days, declare (in writing, via certified mail) the address of your replacement property to your Qualified Intermediary, the seller of your replacement property, or a third-party attorney.

6. Enter the agreement to purchase your replacement property, again including a Cooperation Clause so that the seller is aware of your current 1031 exchange status. Again, include an amendment that names your Qualified Intermediary as the buyer, but name yourself for deeding purposes.

7. When it is time for escrow to close, the Qualified Intermediary forwards transaction funds to escrow. The closing statement names your Qualified Intermediary as the buyer. Your Qualified Intermediary sends you a formal statement that shows the transfer of money.

8. File form 8824 to the IRS with your annual tax documents. File any required state forms.

Once your yearly tax forms are filed – congratulations! You’ve successfully completed a 1031 tax exchange and managed your real estate investment with an incredible amount of savvy.

What steps are included in a 1031 exchange?

Because of numerous legal requirements and 1031 tax exchange regulations, every 1031 tax exchange is a closely monitored procedure with many rules, time limits, and stipulations. As a general rule, the guidelines set out by the government are not difficult to follow – but they must be followed to an absolute “T.”

When working with an organization that specializes in 1031 tax exchanges, you’ll find that the steps required to begin an exchange are very straightforward and easy. Generally, once you have signed your purchase and sale contract and made the necessary arrangements with your title and escrow company to close the transaction, you can move forward on setting up the 1031 exchange. You will provide basic information about the property you have sold and the property you intend to buy, and, generally, pay all or a portion of an administrative fee that covers costs associated with managing your exchange. Generally, the 1031 specialist will then take the wheel for the remainder of the transaction.

1031 Tax Exchange Steps

In a more specific sense, the following are the steps that must be followed in order to complete a typical 1031 exchange:

1. Retain the services and advice of a Certified Public Accountant. Why? You’re working with complicated tax code – and you need someone on your side who understands it thoroughly.

2. Sell your property and include a Cooperation Clause in the sales agreement which states that you intend to complete a 1031 exchange. This is required so that the buyer is notified and is able to cooperate to make the exchange happen smoothly.

3. Using a Qualified Intermediary, enter into a 1031 exchange agreement that meets IRS guidelines. Sign an amendment that identifies your Qualified Intermediary as the seller. An important note: you do not yet have to identify a replacement property.

4. The relinquished escrow closes (reflecting the Qualified Intermediary as the seller) and sale proceeds are placed in a separate, segregated account to ensure safety. The 180-day clock begins to tick.

5. Within 45 days, declare (in writing, via certified mail) the address of your replacement property to your Qualified Intermediary, the seller of your replacement property, or a third-party attorney.

6. Enter the agreement to purchase your replacement property, again including a Cooperation Clause so that the seller is aware of your current 1031 exchange status. Again, include an amendment that names your Qualified Intermediary as the buyer, but name yourself for deeding purposes.

7. When it is time for escrow to close, the Qualified Intermediary forwards transaction funds to escrow. The closing statement names your Qualified Intermediary as the buyer. Your Qualified Intermediary sends you a formal statement that shows the transfer of money.

8. File form 8824 to the IRS with your annual tax documents. File any required state forms.

Once your yearly tax forms are filed – congratulations! You’ve successfully completed a 1031 tax exchange and managed your real estate investment with an incredible amount of savvy.

Britney Cried Over VMAs Performance

Pop star Britney Spears allegedly was “inconsolable” after watching her widely criticized comeback performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.

Spears kicked off proceedings at the Las Vegas event on Sunday with her new single, “Gimme More.”

But the performance was viewed by many as a disaster — not least, it seems, by the troubled star herself.

A backstage source tells Us Weekly, “She was able to see video of herself throughout the auditorium. She flipped out. She came running off the stage, yelling, ‘Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!’ She was inconsolable.”

http://www.sfgate.com

Britney Spears blows at MTV awards

September 10, 2007

Las Vegas – Britney Spears screwed up her comeback attempt at the MTV Video Music Awards Sunday night in Las Vegas as she looked overweight and drunk in her performance.

Britney seemed distracted and nervous throughout her new single, Gimme More.

Wearing nothing but a sparkly black bikini, Britney wasn’t a bad girl, she was just bad.

Spears lip-synched, and bounced around the stage in sparkly underwear.

Spears looked drunk and unprepared as she walked through her dance moves with little enthusiasm. She appeared to have forgotten her lines toward the end of the show.

Celebrities at the show were not impressed. Rapper 50 Cent looked at Spears with a confused look on his face, Diddy was expressionless.

The show’s host even ripped her. Sarah Silverman didn’t spare Spears in her opening monologue, saying, “She is 25 years old, and she has already accomplished everything she is going to accomplish in life.”

Silverman even got in a dig at Brit’s baby boys, Sean Preston and Jayden James, calling them “the cutest mistakes you’ve ever seen.”

http://alaskareport.com/news907/z46651_britney_mtv.htm

Britney Jokes

• Britney’s so dumb that she stands on a street corner with a bag of chips yelling free lays
• Q:How do you know if Britney has been at your computer? A: There’s white out all over the screen
• Q.There’s a Santa Claus, a tooth fairy,a smart britney and a dumb britney walking down the street. they see a dollar. who picks it up? A:the dumb britney because theirs no such thing as Santa claus a tooth fairy or a smart britney spears
• 
• Q: Why did Britney jump off the building? A: She thought her maxi pads had wings
• Q: What do you call Britney Spears with 2 Braincells? A: PREGNANT!!
• Q: What did Britney Spears name her pet zebra? A: Spot.
• Q. Why did Britney Spears climb over the glass wall? A. To see what was on the other side.
• Q. why did Britney get fired from burger king?A: A custumer said change for a dollar and she took her clothes off!
• Q: Why does britney have such a big belly button?A: Her boyfreind’s are blond too!
• Q: Why couldn’t Britney dial 911? A: She couldn’t find the 11
• Q: What did Britney’s left leg say to her right leg?A: Nothing! They never met!
• Q. How do you drive Britney Spears crazy? A. Give her a bag of M & M’s and tell her to alphabetize them.
• Q: How do you drown a Britney Spears? A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool!
• Q: What’s the best reson to promote safe sex? A:We dont want another Britney
• Q: Why does Britney Spears have TGIF written on her shoes?A: Toes Go In First.(Frm: Cutie Mari 25)
• Q: What did Britney Spears say when she opened the box of Cheerios?A: Oh look, Daddy…Doughnut seeds.(Frm: Cutie Mari 25)
• Q: Why did Britney Spears stare at the can of frozen orange juice?A: Because it said concentrate(Frm:Cuti Mari 25)
• Q: Why did Britney die in a helicopter crash? A: She got cold and turned off the fan.(thanks to thug_girl_11_504 for the next few jokes)
• Britney Spears saw a
• Q: How did Britney die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her.
• Q: How does Britney kill a worm? A: She burys it.
• Q: Why are Britney’s boobs square? A:She forgot to take the kleenex out of the box

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

“Oh my, I am so sorry, ” the woman says as she pops her eye back in
place.

“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her
deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The
guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

“You know, “he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
every guy you meet? “

“No, “she replies. . . “

s
c
r
o
l
l
d
o
w
n
..
..
..
..
..

“You just happened to catch my eye.”

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls.

But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below…

GUTS – is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning,
or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS – is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking,
there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.