· Why don’t men wear tight underwear?
It cuts off circulation to the brain!

· Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, “I don’t know.”
When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, “Ohhhhhh.”

· Why are vibrators better than men?
Because they never screw other women, never come in drunk, and you don’t have to do their laundry!

· Why do men die before their wives?
They should.

· What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need……..
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

· How does a man keep his youth?
By giving them money, furs and diamonds.

· Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.

· What’s the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
Wife saying she wants to talk to him.

· Why are hangovers better than men?
Hangovers will go away.

· How are men and batteries different?
Batteries have a positive side.

· Why is virginity like a balloon?
All it takes is one small prick and it’s gone.

· What is the difference between garbage and men?
Garbage gets thrown out and stays out!

· How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
No one knows, the ex-wife always gets the house.

· Why are men like strawberries?
Because they take a long time to mature and by the time they do most are rotten.

· Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.

· Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it’s never used.

· What do UFO’s and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

· Why is dating like a game of cards?
Because if you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

· How do you confuse a man?
You don’t have to – they’re born that way

· Why don’t women like basketball players as lovers?
Because they dribble before they shoot.

· What are the three types of men?
The handsome, the caring and the majority

· What’s the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
You don’t have to ask – you can see who the best man is.

· What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking?
Slow down

· What’s the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching himself. The other is a chimpanzee.

· How can you tell if your husband’s dead?
Sex is the same but you get the remote.

· What food describes most men?
Jerky.

· Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
In the pages of a romance novel.

· How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?

· Why did they kick the man out of the airport?
He kept throwing stale bread at the plane.

· What’s the hardest thing to teach a man?
How to operate a waste basket.

· What’s the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.

· Did you hear about the two men who went ice fishing?
They caught 200 pounds of ice, but drowned when they tried to cook it.

· Then there’s the jigsaw puzzle for men.
It only has one piece, And most of the time, it’s missing.

· Why did God create men?
She forgot to put the legs on snakes.

· Why women like bidets?
Because men don’t know what they are.

· How do you get a man on the roof?
Tell him the beers on the house.

· Do you always tell your husband when you’ve had an orgasm?
No way! I’m not going to call home every time!

· When does a man develop a brain?
The day he gets married.

· Why did the man sell his water skis?
He couldn’t find a lake on a hill.

· How can you tell if a man is a Male Chauvinist Pig?
He thinks “harass” is two words

· Why don’t men die in their sleep?
‘Cuz they can’t do two things at the same time.

· What do you call a caring, considerate and gifted man?
A Myth.

· Why do women always wear black to bed?
To mourn the dead pricks beside them!!

· Why did God Create man first?
1. Practice makes perfect.
2. Give us someone to bitch at immidately.
3. There’s a frist draft with anything.
4. To see what needed to be fixed and then make the proper changes.
5. First is the worst………Second is the best!
6. To be funny

· Woman: “I got a set of golf clubs for my husband”
Friend: “GREAT trade!”

· How do you scare a man ?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

· Husband: I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don’t you?

· Did you really throw your husband out on the street naked, for taking a bath with Bubbles?
Yes I did, and I threw Bubbles out too.

· Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

· “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”

· How does the single woman get rid of roaches?
She asks them for a commitment.

· If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

· Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

· How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed.

· Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

· How does a man show he’s planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

· How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

· How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk.

· Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

· Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.

· What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train

· Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.

· Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

· What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

· What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin

· Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

· What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

· What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

· Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

· What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man’s undivided attention.

· How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don’t know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long it’ll stay.

· What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

· Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

· Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

· Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

· Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.

· How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

· What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

· Why are men like chocolate candies?
They look good on the outside but once it gets inside you, it’s either too small, gross, or stuck to the top.

· What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A man who told too many blonde jokes.

· What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

· How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”.

· Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

· Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn’t stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

· What is the thinnest book in the world?
“What men know about women.”

· How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A.One – men will screw anything.
B.One – men will screw up anything.
C.Five – one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it

· How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.

· What is a man’s idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.

· How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He’s breathing.

· What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

· How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

· What do men and beer have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.

· How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? Did it ever happen??

· How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

· What is a man’s idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

· What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

· What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.

· Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

· Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get into their brains

· How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes

· Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions

· How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.

· Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them

· What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
A. No mind.
B. No business.

· Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won’t accept a 3½” floppy.”

· What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift?
Exchange him.

· Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites Attract.

· What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

· Why do doctors slap babies’ butts right after they’re born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

· Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there.

· What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

· Why are men like commercials?
You can’t believe a word they say.

· What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don’t fit right in the crotch!

· Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

· You know there is a company selling real brains for transplant now?
A male brain costs $75000 and a female brain costs $25000
The female brains are sold as “used”

· Men-tal Anxiety. . . Men-opause. . . Men-tal Breakdown. . .
Ever noticed that all problems start with MEN?

· Why did the man cross the road?
Who knows why the hell men do anything?

· How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

· Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

· How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn’t need it anyway.

· Why is a hard man good to find?
You don’t have to stay up half the night massaging his ego.

· What’s the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

· How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to “Instruction Manual.”

· Why do women make better soldiers than men?
Because they can bleed for a week and still not die

10 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

and yes Carl this one is a Good One !

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car — there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

and yes Carl, we new you would like her.

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Rules that Guys Wish Women Knew

1. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
2. Do not cut your hair. Ever.

3. Sometimes, he is not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Get rid of your cat.

5. Sunday = Sports.
6. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.

7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. You have enough clothes.

9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from pointblank range. We are bound to miss sometimes.

14. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18. If you do not dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, do not expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

20. Let us ogle. If we do not look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Do not rub the lamp if you do not want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done … not both.
23. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
24. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

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Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date.

Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to “fix up” unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as “perfect for you”.

However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive
phrases into plain English:

dandy little house keeper:
She has been married three times and kept all the houses

fine character:
She’s ugly

knows how to handle money:
She’s a spendthrift and great at spending yours

spotless reputation:
She’s ugly

strong family ties:
She’s a Mafia Princess

loves children:
She’s pregnant and needs a husband

wonderful personality:
She’s fat

great sense of humor:
She’s fat and will laugh at anything you say

the outdoor type:
She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys

ready to settle down:
She’s thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry

likes to have a good time:
She gets drunk a lot

lots of fun at parties:
Often makes an ass of herself

mature woman:
She’s at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five

has the appearance of a young school girl:
She’s at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager

casual:
She dresses like a slob

decorated her own place:
Her apartment resembles a pig sty

a great dancer:
She’ll wear the soles right off your shoes

not overly emotional:
She only cries twenty-seven times a day

doesn’t chase men:
She’s more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type

seldom dates:
She’s a lesbian who needs a male escort for something

understands men:
She’s been married and divorced four times

a good sport:
She knows two hundred jokes and can drink you under the table

looks and dresses like a model:
She’s five eleven and weighs seventy three pounds

been in show business:
She’s a former porn movie star

traveled a lot:
She’s searched high and low for a husband

knows a lot of interesting people:
None of whom would marry her

wonderful disposition:
She’s ugly

Bad Date Signs!

Not only is she a little young, but you’re sure that you used to date
her mother.

…You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league with her.

…She has a thicker moustache than you.

…When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.

…You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.

…Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.

…You are the first guy that she’s gone out with that isn’t her cousin.

…At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.

…She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut.

…You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.

…At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.

…She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet satan.

…She constantly complains that her cat won’t stop laughing at her.

…She informs you that you can’t go out again because her spirit guide doesn’t like you.

…She informs you that you can’t go out again because her boyfriend doesn’t like you.

Redneck Dictionary submission

def.-gynecologist
Man-”honey, did ya go to the box doctor yet?
Woman- Im’a gyna- -call a-gist as soon as we git home.

def. -ovarian
Jed- Where’s yer wife?
Clyde- She’s over-ian the shed.

Mayionasse: mayionasse alot of people ’round here

Snasty: man come here and smell this this snasty!
Innuendo: hey! i saw a bird fly innuendo
Rnk: you can spell Rnk but you’d have to buy a vowel to do it
Junior: junior friends want to join us?
Senior: you should have senior face

Ya might be a redneck if …..

you get your nipple bitten off by a beaver
you think the last four words of the national anthem are” gentlemen start your engines!”
you think a 401k is your mother in law’s bra size
your honeymoon was featured on ” true stories of the highway patrol”
your tan lines can be seen from arial photos
you drink then puke and your dog drinks it
you send your fan mail to the home shopping channel
you lave lard sandwiches
the property downwind from yours is worth nothing

What do you call a erdneck that can’t speak? an angry chimpmunk
What do you call a redneck that can’t swim? bait

Hideous puns for all you lexiophiles (lovers of words)

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward [or dyslexic] poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

8. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

17. Every calendar’s days are numbered. [In more ways than one.]

18. A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Feel free to groan now.

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Dating rules for college

1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual
tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means
somebody’s horny.

2. In an imaginary world, “I really like spending time with you,”
and “you’re cool,” mean I REALLY like spending time with you and
you ARE cool. In college, it means “will you fuck me?”

3. In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true
love, in college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their
own.

4. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and
kisses you goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no
such thing as a dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most
guys want a hell of lot more that a kiss goodnight.

5. In an imaginary world, men aren’t afraid to admit their
feelings. In college, if you ask them what they want or why they
kissed you they respond, “Why do you think?” Refer to number one
for definition.

6. In an imaginary world, sleepovers are sleepovers. Just that.
In college it’s a fuckfest or pretty close to it.

7. In an imaginary world the guy might call you the day after. In
college, you’re lucky if he acknowledges your presence when you
walk by. Or if they do call back, refer to number one again, for
the reason.

8. In an imaginary world even gorgeous guys are nice. In college,
cute guys are asses, unattractive men are desparate, and nice
guys finish last.

9. In an imaginary world, sex is sacred and special. In college,
it happens every night between drunk strangers, who don’t even
know each others names. IT ALWAYS SEEMS MEANINGLESS TO AT LEAST
ONE OF THE PARTNERS!

10. In an imaginary world, men have only one girl, chickie, babe,
woman. In college, you ARE the only one, except for, Jodi, Jean,
Alisha, Sara, Laura, Liz, Christy, Carrie, Jen, Mary, Katie,
Jocelyn, Lynda, Alyssa, Jessica, Cory, Rachel, Heather…

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Boats better than women

Reasons Why Boats Are Better Than Women:

Boats only need their fluids changed every year.
Boats curves never sag.
Boats last longer.
Boats don’t get pregnant.

You can ride a Boat any time of the month.
Boats don’t have parents.
Boats don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Boat with your friends.

If your Boat makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
You only need to get a new belt for your Boat when the old one is really worn.
If your Boat smokes, you can do something about it.
Boats don’t care about how many other Boats you have ridden.
When riding, you and your Boat both arrive at the same time.

Boats don’t care about how many other Boats you have.
Boats don’t mind if you look at other Boats, or if you buy Boating magazines.
If your Boat is misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics to correct it.
You can have a beer while riding your Boat.

You don’t have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Boat.
You don’t have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Boat.
You don’t have to convince your Boat that you’re a Boater and that you think that all Boats are equals.
If you say bad things to your Boat, you don’t have to apologize before you can ride it again.
You can ride a Boat as long as you want and it won’t get sore.
Your parents don’t remain in touch with your old Boat after you dump it.
Boats always feel like going for a ride.
Boats don’t insult you if you are a bad boater.
Boats don’t care if you are late.
You don’t have to take a shower before riding your Boat.
It’s always ok to use tie downs on your Boats.
If your Boat doesn’t look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
You can’t get diseases from a Boat you don’t know very well.

Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is back in the slammer after she was ordered to do so by a Los Angeles judge just two days after she was released by the sheriff on unspecified medical grounds. Superior Court Judge Michael T Sauer on Friday overturned a skeptical decision by Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca to allow Hilton to serve the remaining balance of her term at home with an electronic monitoring device.

Judge Sauer said during a court hearing that he had not been given details of the medical condition that apparently prompted her release. Speculation has ranged from a rash to a nervous breakdown. The judge said he was told that a psychiatrist had visited her at the jail but did not go into the details.

Dozens of reporters and photographers waited for the star of The Simple Life reality show to emerge from her home as news helicopters buzzed in the skies overhead. A Sheriff’s deputy handcuffed and transported a very emotional Hilton to the courthouse in a police patrol car.

Hundreds of media lined the driveway into the courthouse garage where the 26-year-old hotel heiress was supposed to have been taken. Covertly, she was driven into the building via a back entrance. According to Los Angeles Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini, the conditions of the jail term for Hilton never changed.

“The judge’s sentencing order was never altered. That’s the issue here. There was never any alteration of the order. He was asked yesterday to alter it, yesterday afternoon by the under sheriff, as the judge described from the bench. And he declined to do so,” said the spokesman. Preferential treatment Legal analyst Stanley A Goldman said that the preferential treatment Hilton has been receiving is likely due to her celebrity status. “A lot of this may be happening because of Paris’s fame and money. First of all, I don’t think her original sentence had to do with her fame and money.

I think 45 days in Los Angeles is not an out of the ballpark time to be sentenced. And the 23 days that she was due to serve was exactly somebody in her situation would have been given to serve, because you get time for good time and work time that’s just automatically knocked off your sentence.

“What’s interesting of course is should she have been released after three days. The average prisoner would of course not been released after three days under her circumstances because the average prisoner wouldn’t have had an advocate still working for them, like she did. Psychiatrists and lawyers still working to get her out,” said Goldman. Meanwhile, a college student watching the activity at the court surrounding Hilton expressed a sentiment shared by many.

“I think justice is being served now. Because the fact is she shouldn’t have been getting out of jail in the first place. She should have served her time and they actually did give her a break by giving her less than the time being served.” The slender, blond Hilton, dressed in drab gray sweatpants a far cry from her usual designer fashions, shook and cried quietly throughout the brief hearing but broke into sobs when the judge ordered her back behind bars. She was then led out of the Los Angeles courtroom wailing “Mom, Mom. It’s not right,” and was driven away to serve the remainder of a 45-day sentence for violating her probation imposed for a reckless driving conviction. According to the Sheriff’s Department, Hilton was taken to the LA Men’s Central Jail to be evaluated at a correctional treatment centre.

Quit complaining about your Job, you could be doing these

Stages of Drunkenness

Stage 1 – SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 – GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 – RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn’t matter how much you bet ‘cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 – BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you’re BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 – INVISIBLE

This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you’re still SMART you know all the words.