June 2007
Men and Women
June 28, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
· Why don’t men wear tight underwear?
It cuts off circulation to the brain!
· Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, “I don’t know.”
When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, “Ohhhhhh.”
· Why are vibrators better [...]
10 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
June 27, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
10 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
and yes Carl this one is a Good One !
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long [...]
Rules that Guys Wish Women Knew
June 24, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Rules that Guys Wish Women Knew
1. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
2. Do not cut your hair. Ever.
3. Sometimes, he is not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Get rid of your cat.
5. Sunday = Sports.
6. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.
7. [...]
Blind Date
June 21, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date.
Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to “fix up” unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as “perfect for you”.
However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, [...]
Bad Date Signs!
June 20, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Bad Date Signs!
Not only is she a little young, but you’re sure that you used to date
her mother.
…You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league with her.
…She has a thicker moustache than you.
…When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract [...]
Redneck Dictionary submission Jeff Foxworthy
June 19, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Redneck Dictionary submission
def.-gynecologist
Man-”honey, did ya go to the box doctor yet?
Woman- Im’a gyna- -call a-gist as soon as we git home.
def. -ovarian
Jed- Where’s yer wife?
Clyde- She’s over-ian the shed.
Jeff Foxworthy
June 17, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Mayionasse: mayionasse alot of people ’round here
Snasty: man come here and smell this this snasty!
Innuendo: hey! i saw a bird fly innuendo
Rnk: you can spell Rnk but you’d have to buy a vowel to do it
Junior: junior friends want to join us?
Senior: you should have senior face
Ya might be a redneck if …..
you get your [...]
Hideous puns for all you lexiophiles (lovers of words)
June 14, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Hideous puns for all you lexiophiles (lovers of words)
1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward [or dyslexic] poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism it’s [...]
Dating rules for college
June 13, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Dating rules for college
1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual
tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means
somebody’s horny.
2. In an imaginary world, “I really like spending time with you,”
and “you’re cool,” mean I REALLY like spending time with you and
you ARE cool. In college, it [...]
Why Boats better than women
June 12, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Boats better than women
Reasons Why Boats Are Better Than Women:
Boats only need their fluids changed every year.
Boats curves never sag.
Boats last longer.
Boats don’t get pregnant.
You can ride a Boat any time of the month.
Boats don’t have parents.
Boats don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Boat with your friends.
If your Boat [...]
Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is back in the slammer
June 9, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is back in the slammer after she was ordered to do so by a Los Angeles judge just two days after she was released by the sheriff on unspecified medical grounds. Superior Court Judge Michael T Sauer on Friday overturned a skeptical decision by Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca [...]
Quit complaining about your Job
June 6, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Quit complaining about your Job, you could be doing these
Stages of Drunkenness
June 4, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Stages of Drunkenness
Stage 1 – SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very [...]
