Chinese ROTC Training

My Stupid Ex Boyfriend

You want to know how stupid my ex boyfriend really is? Note, most of these are equal opportunity insults. If your ex is female instead of male, just switch the pronoun.

1. He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

2. He sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

3. He misspells I.Q.

4. He thought Boyz II Men was a day care center and Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

5. Under “education” on his job application, he put “Hooked On Phonics.”

6. He tripped over a cordless phone.

7. He spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “concentrate.”

8. At the bottom of the job application where it says “sign here,” he put “Sagittarius.”

9. He studied for a blood test.

10. When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.

11. He thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

12. If he spoke his mind, he’d be speechless.

13. He thought he could only use his AM radio in the morning.

14. He has a shirt that says “TGIF.” He thought stood for “This Goes In Front

15. To call him childish is an insult to children everywhere.

16. He has reach rock bottom and started to dig.

17. His gene pool needs chlorination.

18. He’s not so much a has-been as a definitely-won’t-be.

19. He only opens his mouth to change feet.

20. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

21. He has delusions of adequacy.

22. He qualifies as a gross ignoramus; 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

23. He would argue with a signpost.

24. He brings a lot of joy, whenever he leaves the room.

25. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

26. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.

27. He is a prime candidate for natural de-selection.

28. He is slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

29. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

30. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.

31. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

32. It takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

33. If ignorance is bliss, he’s one of the happiest people alive.

34. He stopped to think and forgot to start again.

35. His sole purpose may be to serve as a warning to others.

36. He thinks a hard-on counts as personal growth.

37. He has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

38. He is as smart as bait.

39. In an emergency he can’t dial 911, because there’s no 11 on his phone.

40. He doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

41. He forgot to pay his brain bill.

42. His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.

43. His belt doesn’t go through all the loops.

44. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

45. He is missing a few buttons on his remote control.

46. His receiver is off the hook.

47. He would go surfing in Nebraska.

48. He is an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

49. He is dumber than a box of lint.

50. He took as IQ test and results came back negative.

51. He is all foam and no beer.

52. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Bicycles Or Women

Why bicycles are better than Women…

Bicycles don’t get pregnant.

You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.

Bicycles don’t have parents.

Bicycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong.

You can share your Bicycle with your friends.

Bicycles don’t care how many other Bicycles you’ve ridden.

When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.

Bicycles don’t care how many other Bicycles you have.

Bicycles don’t care if you look at other Bicycles.

Bicycles don’t care if you buy Bicycle magazines.

You’ll never hear, “Surprise, you are going to own a new Bicycle” unless you go out to buy one yourself.

If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.

If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.

If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics with it.

You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.

If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don’t have to apologize before you ride it again.

You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won’t get sore.

You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won’t get frustrated.

Your parents won’t remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.

Bicycles don’t get headaches.

Bicycles don’t insult you if you’re a bad rider.

Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.

Bicycles don’t care if you’re late.

You don’t have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.

If your Bicycle doesn’t look good you can paint it or get better parts.

You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent helmet.

When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.

Most women are afraid of their very first mammogram, but there’s no need to worry. By taking a few minutes every day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you’ll be totally prepared for your Mammogram. And you can do this right in your own home!

Exercise 1

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again and again, just in case the first time wasn’t effective enough.

Exercise 2

Go to your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3

Freeze two metal weight lifting weights overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your mammogram!

Florida

FLORIDA: If you think we can’t vote, wait till you see us drive.

FLORIDA: Home of erectile dysfunction.

FLORIDA: We count more than you do.

FLORIDA: If you don’t like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.

FLORIDA: We’ve been Gored by the bull of politics and we’re Bushed.

FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, Re-vote.

FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again!

FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?

FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.

FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.

FLORIDA: We don’t just cheat in football.

FLORIDA: We’re number one! Wait! Recount!

FLORIDA: So nice, we let you vote twice.

FLORIDA: We put the “duh” in Florida.

FLORIDA: This isn’t good when Alabama counts faster than us!

FLORIDA: Once is never enough!

FLORIDA: We would do a recount but we’ve run out of fingers and toes!

FLORIDA: Don’t blame me, I voted for Gore, I think.

FLORIDA: Don’t blame me, my vote didn’t count.

FLORIDA: We’re retired –no wait– we’re retarded!

FLORIDA: Don’t count on us!

FLORIDA: Home of the edible chad.

FLORIDA: Bumbling better than ever!

Murphy’s Sex Laws

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2. Nothing improves with age.

3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again.

4. Sex has no calories.

5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.

8. No sex with anyone in the same office.

9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12. Virginity can be cured.

13. When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.

16. Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.

17. It is always the wrong time of month.

18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.

21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night — Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

22. The younger the better.

23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

27. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.

28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

29. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.

30. Love is a hole in the heart.

31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.

32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

33. Do it only with the best.

34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

35. One good turn gets most of the blankets.

36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.

37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

39. Thou shalt not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.

40. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.

41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

42. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.

43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.

44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

46. Never say no.

47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her.

48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.

51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.

52. Love comes in spurts.

53. The world does not revolve on an axis.

54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

56. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up.

57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

60. “This won’t hurt, I promise,”

Booty Call Agreement

This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the “Agreement”) is entered into on the _____day of __________, 2002, by_______________________, between ____________and______________.

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over – unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 PM – we don’t have shit to talk about.

4. None of that “lovemaking” shit – only sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The
answer is no, so don’t ask.

6. No plans made in advance – that is why you are called the “backup,” unless you are from
out-of-town, then it’s only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted – money is always good.

8. No baby talk – however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers – it’s really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other “friends with privileges” we are not friends, just sex buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK – don’t be offended.

12. No extra clothing – I don’t want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex – it’s over, so get your ass up, get dressed and go the
fuck home.

14. Don’t be offended if I don’t ask if you enjoyed it – I don’t care.

15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: “My roommate’s
girlfriend/boyfriend.”

17. Doggie style is the preferred position – the reason is less eye contact the better.

19. No condoms, no fucking. Carry your ass home.

20. Bring your own drink – I am not your liquor store.

21. No phone use, please – don’t want anyone calling back looking for your ass.

* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:

The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically
become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.

Participating Party

Signature_______________________________________
Date: ________________

Participating Party

Signature_______________________________________
Date: ________________

INTERNET SPEED TEST

Hoochie Types

1. Expensive Hoochie

Most hoochie falls into this definition. Expensive hoochie can be recognized by the following – fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good hoochie falls into this category.

Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.

Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.

2. Cheap Hoochie

Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap hoochie can be recognized by the following – she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shake it off.

Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You’re lucky if you find this.

Disadvantages: Won’t go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it. Often not worth it.

3. Hired Hoochie

Found in the Hollywood area of Southern California and in every other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired hoochie and Expensive hoochie is that the money is up-front.

Advantages: You don’t have to stick around, won’t tell your girlfriend, doesn’t care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually cheaper than Expensive Pussy.

Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap hoochie in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it.

4. Virgin Hoochie

This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin Pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.

Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight “fit” if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer “other” services if Virginity is to be maintained.

Disadvantages:Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually into using birth control which can cause “accidents”, can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you’re into that sort of thing.

5. Nympho Hoochie
Very rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania.

Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.

Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it.

6. Frigid Hoochie

Less rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that this hoochie will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration).

Advantages: There are no advantages.

Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it.

7. Innocent Nympho Hoochie

Rare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper category.

Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can.

Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful.

8. Party Hoochie

Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not ripped as to better enjoy the experience.

Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things.

Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it.

9. Nutsy Hoochie
Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you. May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason.. Usually found as a quiet co-worker.

Advantages: Easy.
Disadvantages: Never really worth it.

Good Girl, Bad Girl

Good girls say “thanks for a wonderful dinner”…
Bad girls say, “what’s for breakfast?”

Good girls never go after another girl’s man…
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties…
Bad girls don’t wear any.

Good girls wax their floors…
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot…
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner…
Bad girls make reservations

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies…
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss…
Bad girls never do either, unless he’s very, very rich.

Good girls believe you’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls…
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food…
Bad girls love Italian waiters.

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“PERSONAL” ADVERTISEMENTS

GUIDE TO TRANSLATING “PERSONAL” ADVERTISEMENTS

Independent Thinker . . . . . . . Crazy.

High-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things.

Free-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy and irresponsible.

Ample . . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.

Huggable . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.

Zaftig . . . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY Large.

Fat and Sassy . . . . . . . . . Large and loudmouthed.

Slender . . . . . . . . . . . . Skinny.

Svelte . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anorexic.

Petite (I am). . . . . . . . . . Short.

Petite (you are) . . . . . . . . Size 2.

Dynamic . . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy.

Assertive . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy with a mean streak.

Excited About Life’s Journey . . No concept of reality.

Moody . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive.

Unpredictable . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and off medication.

Soulful . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and quiet.

Poetic . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and boring.

Looking for Mr/Ms Right. . . . . Looking for Mr/Ms Rich.

Very Human . . . . . . . . . . . Quasimodo.

Uninhibited . . . . . . . . . . Lacking basic social skills.

Irreverent . . . . . . . . . . . Mean and lacking basic social skills.

Aging Child . . . . . . . . . . Self-centered adult.

Freedom-loving . . . . . . . . . Undependable.

Young at Heart . . . . . . . . . Over 40.

Youthful . . . . . . . . . . . . Over 50 and in major denial.

Chatty . . . . . . . . . . . . . Never shuts up.

Humorous . . . . . . . . . . . . Watches too much TV and never shuts up.

Financially secure (I am). . . . Has a job.

Financially secure (you are) . . Rich.

Affectionate . . . . . . . . . . Horny.

Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . Horny.

Passionate . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY horny.

Twelve truths about men!

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
( Because they have entered into a genius)

2. WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
( Because they don’t have enough time )

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(Because they don’t stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
( Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn )

5. WHY DON’T WOMEN HAVE MEN’S BRAINS?
( Because they don’t have penises to put them in )

6. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
( Because they are intended for children, but men always play with them )

7. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
( Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock )

8. WHY DO MEN MASTURBATE?
( Because its sex with someone they love)

9. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.)

10. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
( You always need a rough draft before you make the perfect final copy)

11. WHY IS A MAN‘S PEE YELLOW AND HIS SPERM WHITE?
( So they can tell if they are coming or going )

12. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
( Don’t know it’s never happened )

A woman’s Dictionary

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, “made the dinner.”

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician.”

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say “focus,…breath…push…”

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear…!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilizers.”

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card!

Reasons Why It’s Better To Be female

* We got off the Titanic first.

* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

* We never ejaculate prematurely.

* We get to flirt with systems support men, they always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

* We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.

* When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it’s pathetic.

* We do not have to get our strength up between sessions…and it’s much easier for us to get “laid” in the first place.

* We can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.

* Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous – guys look like complete idiots in ours.

* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

* We cry and get off speeding fines.

* We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers……

* Men die earlier so we get to cash in on all the life insurance.

* All taxis stop for us.

* We’ve never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

* We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

Inner Blonde Quiz

Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!

——————————————–

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?

2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills taken?

3. I went to bed at eight o’clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o’clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?

4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?

5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?

6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?

7. A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What colour is the bear?

8. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have?

9. How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark?

10. If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what’s the name of the driver?

——————————————–

ANSWERS :

1. All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.

2. 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o’clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o’clock, they will be taken in 1 hour.

3. 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.

4. 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.

5. 9 live sheep.

6. The match.

7. White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.

8. 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

9. None. It was Noah, not Moses.

10. YOU are the driver.

Grading Scale (out of 10)
10 Genius
9 Mensa Member
8 Engineer
7 Student
6 High school pupil
5 Primary school pupil
4 Teacher
3 College lecturer
2 University lecturer
1 Member of Congress
0 Blonde