March 2007
Chinese ROTC Training
March 30, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Chinese ROTC Training
Eww
March 26, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
My Stupid Ex Boyfriend
March 23, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
My Stupid Ex Boyfriend
You want to know how stupid my ex boyfriend really is? Note, most of these are equal opportunity insults. If your ex is female instead of male, just switch the pronoun.
1. He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
2. He sent me a fax with a stamp on [...]
Bicycles Or Women
March 22, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Bicycles Or Women
Why bicycles are better than Women…
Bicycles don’t get pregnant.
You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.
Bicycles don’t have parents.
Bicycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Bicycle with your friends.
Bicycles don’t care how many other Bicycles you’ve ridden.
When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the [...]
Your First Mammogram
March 21, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Most women are afraid of their very first mammogram, but there’s no need to worry. By taking a few minutes every day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you’ll be totally prepared for your Mammogram. And you can do this right in your own home!
Exercise 1
Open your refrigerator [...]
Florida
March 19, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Florida
FLORIDA: If you think we can’t vote, wait till you see us drive.
FLORIDA: Home of erectile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don’t like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: We’ve been Gored by the bull of politics and we’re Bushed.
FLORIDA: Relax, [...]
Murphy’s Sex Laws
March 16, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Murphy’s Sex Laws
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up [...]
Booty Call Agreement
March 15, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Booty Call Agreement
This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the “Agreement”) is entered into on the _____day of __________, 2002, by_______________________, between ____________and______________.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over – unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except [...]
Hoochie Types
March 14, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Hoochie Types
1. Expensive Hoochie
Most hoochie falls into this definition. Expensive hoochie can be recognized by the following – fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good hoochie falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, [...]
Good Girl, Bad Girl
March 13, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Good Girl, Bad Girl
Good girls say “thanks for a wonderful dinner”…
Bad girls say, “what’s for breakfast?”
Good girls never go after another girl’s man…
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.
Good girls wear white cotton panties…
Bad girls don’t wear any.
Good girls wax their floors…
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when [...]
Your GUIDE TO TRANSLATING “PERSONAL” ADVERTISEMENTS
March 11, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
“PERSONAL” ADVERTISEMENTS
GUIDE TO TRANSLATING “PERSONAL” ADVERTISEMENTS
Independent Thinker . . . . . . . Crazy.
High-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things.
Free-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy and irresponsible.
Ample . . . . . . . . . . . . . [...]
Twelve Truths about men!
March 9, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Twelve truths about men!
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
( Because they have entered into a genius)
2. WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
( Because they don’t have enough time )
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(Because they don’t stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
( [...]
A woman’s Dictionary
March 8, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
A woman’s Dictionary
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, [...]
Reasons Why It’s Better To Be female
March 7, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Reasons Why It’s Better To Be female
* We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
* We never ejaculate prematurely.
* We get to flirt with systems support men, they always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
* We absently hum [...]
Inner Blonde Quiz
March 6, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Inner Blonde Quiz
Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!
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1. [...]
