January 2007
Top NFL Complaints
January 31, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Top NFL Complaints
1.     NFL Complaint : After shooting the blank gun to end the half, the Dallas Cowboy players start shooting back with live ammunition.
2.     NFL Complaint : Calling “heads or tails” but never getting any. . . “head” or “tail”.
3.     [...]
Free Broadband Speed Test
January 30, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Broadband Speed Test
Test your internet provider’s speed for free
NFL Football
January 28, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
NFL, Grid Iron, American Football. Call it what you want, but I’m calling it American Football in this site, so here are a bunch of funny jokes for America’s favorite game!
—NFL
Q: What’s the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
—NFL
Q: Why is the [...]
THE EVOLUTION OF A MOM
January 26, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
THE EVOLUTION OF A MOM
Â
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as [...]
Men’s Advice To Women
January 25, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Men’s Advice To Women
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up, put it down.
3. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Get rid of your cat.
5. Sunday = TV Sports.
6. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
7. You [...]
DIET RULES FOR CHEATERS
January 23, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
DIET RULES FOR CHEATERS
Â
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t [...]
BAR ROOM TRANSLATIONS
January 22, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
BAR ROOM TRANSLATIONS
Â
* “You get this one, next round is on me.” (We won’t be here long enough to get another round.)
* “I’ll get this one, next one is on you.” (Happy hour is about to end…drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they’ll be $4.50 a pop.)
* “Hey, where is [...]
WHAT EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW
January 19, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Unfortunately, many men who seem attractive on the surface are actually strongly homosexual, often without even knowing it. Men with lean waists, overdeveloped chests, arms and clean skin are actually unconsciously obsessed by male bodies. You should stay far away from men who are athletes or rock stars, and men who feel compelled to dress [...]
EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
January 19, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________
KNOWLEDGE:
1.____ The son of a bitch really knows his shit
2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous
3.____ Only half a brain and is dangerous
4.____ Brain damaged. His coffee cup has higher I.Q.
ACCURACY:
1.____ Does excellent work is not preoccupied with women
2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass
3.____ Has [...]
HOW TO BUILD A WEB PAGE IN 25 STEPS
January 18, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
1. Download a piece of Web authoring software – 20 minutes.
2. Think about what you want to write on your Web page – 6 weeks.
3. Download the same piece of Web authoring software, because they have released 3 new versions since the first time you downloaded it – 20 minutes.
4. Decide to just steal some [...]
WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A MALE REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN
January 17, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
9. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow made to feel inferior.Â
8. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about [...]
Error Messages for Windows XP
January 17, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
* Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
* Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
* Close your eyes and press escape three times.
* Bad command or file name! Go [...]
Tips for SKI SEASON
January 16, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
Ski season is here. The following is a list of exercises to help you prepare:
- Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
- Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
- If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with [...]
NUMBER OF DRINKS & BEHAVIORAL DIFFERENCES
January 15, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
ONE Drink-Â Relaxed. To most drinkers the first pint or whatever disappears almost unnoticed and will have little or no effect on speech/coordination etc. Conversation will be of the polite, perfunctory variety e.g. soaps, school days, sport and the price of net curtains, etc. Some beer-mat flicking will be in evidence, as the ice [...]
Supermodel Wisdome
January 12, 2007 by Jeff · Leave a Comment
ON COURAGE: “They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind.” — Cindy Crawford
ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE: “Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage.” — Carole Mallory
ON [...]
