Bored Dead

(How would you’ve liked to have been on this flight ? )

This is an old Boeing 727 after landing from a flight over Alberta, Canada on�Friday 10 Aug 2006.��

On a night flight, around 11PM, Canadian 727 aircraft 705BX was crusing at 35,000 feet when it encountered hail the size of tennis balls.� The pictures below show some of the damage.� All landing lights were destroyed, as was the radar.� The crew was forced to make a nearly “blind” night emergency landing.� Upon safe return to the ground the first officer and flight engineer quit.��It is expected that the aircraft is a total loss as its structural integrity has been compromised. The ol’ Boeing Tri-Motor/Three-Holer made it through though.

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RESOLUTION #1:

1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2000: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2001: I will read 5 books a year.
2002: I will finish The Pelican Brief
2003: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2004: I will read at least one article this year.
2005: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

RESOLUTION #2:

1999: I will get my weight down below 180.
2000: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2001: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2002: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2003: I will work out 5 days a week.
2004: I will work out 3 days a week.
2005: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

RESOLUTION #3:

1999: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2000: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2001: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2002: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 1999.
2003: I will be totally out of debt by 2000.
2004: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2001.
2005: I will try to be out of the country by 2006.

RESOLUTION #4:

2002: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
2003: I will not leave Marge.
2004: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.
2005: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.

RESOLUTION #5:

2002: I will stop looking at other women.
2003: I will not get involved with Wanda.
2004: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.
2005: I will stop looking at other women.

RESOLUTION #6:

2002: I will not let my boss push me around.
2003: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2004: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2005: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

RESOLUTION #7:

2002: I will not get upset when Charlie makes jokes about my baldness.
2003: I will not get annoyed when Charlie kids me about my toupee.
2004: I will not get angry when Charle tells the guys I wear a girdle.
2005: I will not speak to Charlie.

RESOLUTION #8:

2002: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2003: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2004: I will not become a “problem drinker”.
2005: I will not miss any AA meetings.

RESOLUTION #9:

2002: I will see my dentist this year.
2003: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2004: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2005: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

RESOLUTION #10:

2002: I will go to church every Sunday.
2003: I will go to church as often as possible.
2004: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2005: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on T

Many thing you see everyday, make you wonder just what the hell were they thinking.

Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow bit shape determines what you’re like in bed! Yes, it’s true–just take this simple test to determine your true bedroom personality:

Green clovers:

If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the green clover, you’re a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don’t take anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you. You don’t have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on them until they cheer up.

Blue diamonds:

If your favorite marhmallow shape is the blue diamond, your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you’ll get later. “If he really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?” is probably what’s going through your mind. People who like blue diamonds have a notebook of preprinted fill-in-the-blank palimony suit forms and are the people most likely to file their nails while making love.

Orange Stars:

If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they want to be able to watch themselves having a good time. They often moan out their own names while making love.

Pink hearts:

If you like pink hearts, you’re the romantic type. You like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if he’s too distracted to form coherent phrases, you’ll settle for romantic syllables. People who like pink hearts read most of the romance novels published and are turned on by people wearing armor.

Purple horseshoes:

If purple horseshoes are your thing, your tastes are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains, swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes–she’s likely to pin you down with croquet hoops when you’re not looking and who knows what could happen next?

Yellow Moons:

If you’re the yellow moon type, you’re more interested in satisfying your partner’s needs than your own. You prefer to lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish them. Keep your eyes open for anyone who eats all the purple horseshoes out of her cereal as soon as she opens the box.

Those little oat bits that aren’t marshmallows at all:

If you prefer the little oat bits, you probably don’t like sex anyway and don’t need to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive lyrics in rock music. People who like oat bits have more time to spend writing letters to the editor than any other type.

As us females go, weather we admit it or not we do admire breasts weather they are our own or others. The real thing or enhanced. Breasts are the things that make the world go around. They make us who we are and bring out our sexuality. Large or small they entice all. Here are the top 3 in our pics. The last is my favorite, Maybe santa has a big pocket this year.

Tyra Banks is striking a pose that’s truly striking: She’s modeling Victoria’s Secret’s Heavenly ’70s Fantasy bra, containing 2,900 diamonds set in 10-karat white gold, adding up to 112 carats of luxurious lift and support, reports USA Today.

The $10 million creation is from jewelry designer Mouawad, and features a flawless 70-carat pear-shaped diamond in the center. It will be featured in Victoria’s Secret’s Christmas catalog

WHICH IS BEST?

CONTROVERSY Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE Live tree, planted after use
MALE Fake tree, discarded after use
FEMALE Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with fur-balls

CONTROVERSY Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
MALE Bulbs flash logo of football team
FEMALE Elegant flickering candles
REALITY Tree bursts into flames, burns house down

CONTROVERSY Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
MALE Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
FEMALE Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
REALITY Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts

CONTROVERSY Do you fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
MALE Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree
FEMALE Each icicle hangs like strand of delicate artwork
REALITY More icicles on floor than on tree

CONTROVERSY Do you open gifts on Christmas Eve or morning?
YUPPIE Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules so all enjoy surprise
MALE Anytime, just so it doesn't interfere with football
FEMALE Anytime the entire family is present
REALITY Doesn't matter, everyone's peeked anyway

CONTROVERSY Ham or Turkey for Christmas Dinner
YUPPIE Baked Tofu Balls stuffed with wheat germ
MALE Anything, as long as there's plenty of both it - and beer
FEMALE A meal the entire family plans and prepares
REALITY Chinese carryout or McDonald's

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Go ahead it is now a fact taking a peak once in a while is healthy.

Name That Christmas Carol!


1. Bleached Yule
2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time2400 hrs - WeatherCloudless
6. Loyal Followers Advance
7. Far Off in a Feeder
8. Array the Corridor
9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

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1.  White Christmas
2.  Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
3.  All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
4.  O Holy Night
5.  It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
6.  O Come, All Ye Faithful
7.  Away in a Manger
8.  Deck the Hall
9.  Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
14. Let it Snow
15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain
16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer
17. What Child is This?
18. Joy to the World
19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
20. The Twelve Days of Christmas

Female Elf Applications

National Federation of Uniformed Elves
Main Office, North Pole
Female Elf Employment Application

1. Name ________________

2. Present Address ____________________

3. Age ___ (If under 100, parental permission is required)

4. Height ______ (If over 3 feet 6 inches, please attach waiver
application)

5. Present Occupation ____________ (If politician, forget it!)

6. Hobbies ______________________________
(If boys, boys, boys, do you like "little, little" boys?)

7. Professional Qualifications ______________________________
(Can you cook, sew, clean and other things male chauvinist
elves get off on?)

8. References ______________________________
(No religious references please.  They tend to lead us astray.)

9. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for molesting a
reindeer?
Yes ( )  No ( ) (if yes, you need not apply!)

10. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for molesting little
elves?
Yes ( )  No ( ) (If yes, when can you start?)

11. Please list FIVE "personal" references.  All must be older
than 10 and still believe in Santa Claus.

(Good Luck!)