Bored Dead

How to shoot like a Girl, America’s got talent Bow and arrow girl.

Bow and arrow

5 NUNS IN A BAR
Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa , Katherine Marie, Rose Frances
and Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick’s
Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in
July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was
making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire’s Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were
the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood..
All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when
Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front
door They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and
almost fainted at what they saw.

obama

Dear Mr. President Obama, U. S. Senate and Congress:

I’m planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my husband’s health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We’re planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico , and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements..

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I’m on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All Mexico government forms, printed in Spanish, need to also be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but, I don’t plan to purchase car insurance, and I, probably won’t make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say a critical thing about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. And finally, please be sure to remind him and his staff, that they need to instruct the local Wal-Mart stores that they MUST have an entire section devoted to American foods, and that all product labels on every item at Wal-Mart must also be printed in English.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who come to the U.S. from Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind

viagra

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Itsy bitsy Dissolving bikini comes with no strings attached. The saucy thong swimsuit looks like a real bikini but disappears after just a few seconds in water.

Trailer Dissolvable Bikini: does it work? from Clint.be on Vimeo.

Dissolving bikini

BattleStar Galactica Bloopers

BattleStar Galactica Bloopers

Bounce Baby

Bounce Baby Bounce

This was sent to us via Carmin and we laughed so hard we had to use it. Thanks Carmin from Sedona again.

This diary of moving to Arizona has made it’s way around emails and the Internet thousands of times. I have seen so many versions for so many cities (even a snowy version for Wisconsin) that I’m sure it can no longer be attributed to any author. I certainly didn’t write it! (But one of the funniest things we have read.)

People who move to Arizona, though, can easily identify with it. You’d better read this–this could be your diary!

Arizona Diary

May 15th: Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 108 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, work in an air-conditioned office. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it’s a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days of work; what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 25th: Dry heat, my butt. Hot is hot! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the A/C repairman charged $250 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,600 in damn house payments and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4th: 115 degrees! Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $1,200 and gets the temperature down to about 90. I hate this [expletive deleted] state.

August 8th: If another wise a** cracks, “Hot enough for you today?” I’m going to tear his [expletive deleted] throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and no deodorant works well enough!

August 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and Sunny. It’s been too hot to sleep for two damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this barren damn desert? $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the [expletive deleted] pool. Even a cactus can’t live in this heat.

August 14th: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 120 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the [expletive deleted] windshield out of the BMW. The installer came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” My wife had to spend the $1,600 house payment to bail me out of jail.

August 30th: Worst day of the damn summer. I’m not leaving the house. The [expletive deleted] monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The BMW is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500 windshield. nobody told me about staying out of the washes during a “flash flood” warning. That does it. We’re moving back to California and buying a house next to the freeway for some peace and quiet.

Jeff Dunham Spark Of Insanity – Walter – Part #1

Jeff Dunham Spark Of Insanity – Walter – Part #1

Achmed the dead terrorist
Jeff Dunham

Achmed the dead terrorist by
Jeff Dunham

Eric Cartman – Come Sail Away

Eric Cartman – Come Sail Away

Porsche 911 Targa

1997 Porsche 911 Targa, Black with Grey leather interior, full Retractable Glass Top with Power Sun Shade, Tip Tronic F1 Style Trans, 3.6 liter with Porcshe Super Charger, Cruise Control, 2 wheel drive, Dual Power Seating, Air Conditioning, CD player, Power Locks/ Windows, Total miles 43772. A Pristine kept 911 Porcshe at the right price. Car can be seen at Superior Boats in New Port Richey 727-XXX-XXXX Car has been wrecked and retitled. A little over priced by 10 to 15k did a good job of hiding the damage though. The car fax gives all the info. The Porsche wont hold a charge and squeaks a lot
More Pic’s here: http://porcshe911.blogspot.com/

727-848-7715

Jimmy Kimmel

Britney Spears Tampa

Karla Spice Sexy Bikini Babe

Karla spice and friends
and Yes Carl this one is for you and the cow’s