Bored Dead

How Shit Happens

How Shit Happens

In the beginning was the Plan.

Shit Happens Shit Happens

And then came the Assumptions.

Shit Happens Shit Happens

And the Assumptions were without form.

Shit Happens Silly

And the Plan was without substance.

omg omg

And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

silver platter

And the workers spoke among themselves, saying, “This is crock of shit, and it stinks.”

Shit Happens

And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, “It is a pail of dung, and we can’t live with the smell.”

Shit Happens

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, “It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it.”

And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, “It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.”

And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, “It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.”

And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, “It promotes growth, and it is very powerful..”

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, “This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects.”

And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

And that, my friends, is how shit happens.

Men & Women: The Difference!

men-and-women-the-difference

MAGAZINES:
Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and shouldn’t be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

men-and-women-the-difference men-and-women-the-difference

CATS:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

men-and-women-the-difference men-and-women-the-difference men-and-women-the-difference

OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



JEWELRY:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Ramone.

men-and-women-the-difference

RESTROOMS:
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each other. Women who’ve never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, ‘Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?’

Karla Spice a Latino Goddess

Karla Spice Vid, a perfect specimen of a Goddess. Karla Spice fresh and in the Flesh.

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